Good Bastards News

Coming to you from somewhere you'd like to be but aren't likely to get to go to.
(Secret Good Bastards Location)

A company about to be launched that will own and promote Breweries, Pubs, Bars, Taverns and an exciting range of beers and other drinks throughout New Zealand Australia and the rest of the world.

A lot has been happening in the world of Good Bastards, perhaps too much!!! In event this ole site here has not been getting the attention it deserves so we are changing the system into a Blog. For dumb bastards like me who don’t know what one is, it some sort of site that is updated bit by bit from time to time. Well at least that’s what I think it is. Anyway on with the news...

Take in the Bledisloe while
being part of the
Bleedingslow (a bleedin' great event).

Yes, its on again this year on the Gold Coast. All over 35 Rugby teams are invited to be partaking. It’s on the same weekend of the Bledlislow Cup in Brisbane.

FREE DVD
If you are in an Over 35 team and
would like to register your interest
we will have shortly a short DVD
with highlights of last years event
available shortly. Order yours now.

Last year we had a great event and some really great people contributed to a great event. Fly Pacific Blue was our major sponsor and what Good Bastards they are.

Three teams came across from NZ and we had a number of teams from Australia involved as well.

Gary Marsh was the main man from the Wiataki Wasps and this teams sure had some great moves both on and off the field.

The Old and Bold from Cambridge was lead by Sid and Clare Murfitt, boy do these folk know how to party.

The Auckland Marist were a solid bunch of blokes. No wives on this trip sez main man Rob Waye. Whys that we asked “Cheaper that way” he replies. Makes perfect sense to me. These jokers sure added an extra spirit of fun to all proceedings.

Games were played on the Saturday and the Sunday with the big event “THE BLEEDINGSLOW CUP on the Sunday night.

Michael Jones MC’d (Famous for his corporate and club event “a game of two half wits) the event and we had a brilliant Irish Band.

It was held at the SOUTHPORT SHARKS, the largest club in Qld and what a great club it is too. If your on the Gold Coast, go down to the club in Olsens Ave. It’s a great place for a feed and a bit of a flutter on the pokies. It sure is decked out well.
www.southportsharks.com.au

Throughout the evening two teams were picked; The Wobbly Knees from Australia and The All Blahs from NZ and under the close scrutiny of referee Michael Jones the game proceeded through a series of hilarious events.

The All Blahs won the match but it was a close call with a draw on the cards up until the last event.

This Years event will be even more entertaining.

Heres the schedule of events:

Thursday Night 27th July 2006
You should all be here on the Gold Coast. A welcoming function will take place and get the program underway.

Friday 28th July 2006
Let the games begin. Games grounds times etc will be announced once we are closer to the event

Friday night
The Bleedingslow Cup

It’s a Function with a Dinner, Special Guests, music, banquet and more. Two teams will be picked (The Wobbly Knees and the All Blahs) and they will play off for the Bleedingslow Cup with a serious of hilarious events around the game. And of course the drinking and the eating and the great camaraderie.

Saturday 29th July 2006

Details of these games will also be announced closer to the time.

Playing will be finished by 2 pm as tonight is another big night.

Saturday Night

Well it’s the Big one: The Wallabies versus the All Blacks for the Bledislow in Brisbane.

We will have a package for those who want to go to the game and also the provision for those who want to watch it on the big screen.

Sunday 30th July 2006

A post-mortem will be held to commiserate with the losers and congratulate the winners one way or another.

After that its time to say our goodbyes until next time.

Future major sponsors of
the Bleedingslow Cup

A company about to be launched that will own and promote Breweries, Pubs, Bars, Taverns and an exciting range of beers and other drinks throughout New Zealand Australia and the rest of the world.

For more information on the Bleedingslow email paddy@goodbastards.com

Last Years Event we had Gary Fogaty along. Gary's one of Australia’s leading Bush Poets. He wrote a poem which he performed and here are the words.

The Bleedingslow Cup

Well the grass has been mowed and the lines are all marked,
Last minute instructions from the coach have been barked.
As two teams of fifteen take the field in a pack,
With scant regard for the fitness that all of them lack.

With Elastoplast by kilometres, on ankles and knees,
And the thick stench of liniment permeating the breeze.
With their team colours flagging their home nations pride,
These time-hardened warriors are just hitting their stride.

For old age and cunning beats youth, strength and speed,
When, “Win at all costs”, is their motto and creed.
When their supporters are screaming and baying for blood,
And advice for the ref’s one expletive filled flood.

Where the faint hearted are banished and legends are born,
And the chance of a heart attack’s treated with scorn.
Where reputations mean nothing and neither does speed,
It’s just how many of your “boys” are willing to bleed.

When it’s give all you’ve got with no room to retreat,
See no one wants a “jumper” in the team that gets beat.
For the pride and the passion, the heartbeat of a team,
Are all focused and all aimed on completing the dream.

Now bones may get broken, and a few ligaments torn,
But that’s small price to pay for the “jumper” that’s worn.
And some big hits will be taken and big hits handed out
To be expanded on later and then bandied about.

For the bar is the field where the best tries are scored,
Where the action’s so fierce that no one gets bored.
Where the would-be’s and could-be’s can match up the rest,
And all drink to the toast that they “gave of their best”.

So roll up you Good Bastards, polish up your old boots,
For who gives a rats arse if you all look like galoots.
Cause you’re all of you eager as a young cattle pup,
And you’re here to do battle for the Bleedingslow Cup.

© Gary Fogarty 2005

A company about to be launched that will own and promote Breweries, Pubs, Bars, Taverns and an exciting range of beers and other drinks throughout New Zealand Australia and the rest of the world.

Yes, It’s on again this year. Bill Garth took the gong last year, who will do it this year. Join in, have a go, make your picks, win or loose take the piss out of everyone else in the comp. Here's how you do it:

	Your Sports Tipping Headquarters Online www.OzTips.com
GOOD BASTARDS SUPER 14 2006 TIPPING COMPETITION Here's where you join.
1. Go to OzTips.com
2. Select "Register" and set up a user account (if you don't already have one at OzTips.
3. Once you have successfully registered click on the "Tipping" tab and select "Join a Tipping Comp".
4. You will be asked for an OzTips competition number and password. The comp you've been asked to join is: COMP: 56613 PASS: paddy
5. That's it! If you get in the shit, full instructions can be obtained by clicking on the "Help" tab. Otherwise, drop me a line at paddy@goodbastards.com

It was time for another book and I thought “why not do a decent Irish Joke Book” I hadn’t been able to find one so I designed collated and published one.

You can either get it or order it through any good book shop in NZ or I can send you an autographed copy from here.

Its $22.95 in the book shops and if you want one from here its an additional 7 bucks for the postage and packaging. Just email me on paddy@goodbastards.com

Only a ¾ to 1 hour drive from Greymouth.
Once you cross the Haupiri River you are nearly there

Registration
$50.00

Includes BBQ Sat, Breakfast
Sat night accom

For Reservations please ring
Barry Wilson
03 755 6140

Heres The Story: Those folk going Friday night have to bring their own dinner and breakfast. Accommodation Friday night is not covered. (Accommodation Friday night) The Fifty dollars covers Sat night accommodation, BBQ dinner Sat night, breakfast Sunday. Good Bastards Ride Sat 9am

Sunday lunch, you have to bring your own. You need to bring sleeping bags and pillows. Good Bastards Ride Sunday 10.30. Sunday Afternoon: buggar off home.

Club makes a small profit for funding future events or donations to charity.

The ride is limited to fifty people, all Good Bastards. None of those whinging bastards who carried on about having to give $20 to the RSPCA on the hold up last year are welcome.

A company about to be launched that will own and promote Breweries, Pubs, Bars, Taverns and an exciting range of beers and other drinks throughout New Zealand Australia and the rest of the world.

They are AUS20 bucks individually and autographed and posted anywhere in Australia or NZ. Aus25 bucks elsewhere.
Or get the collection autographed to whoever you want and posted for Aus$90.00 or any two posted and autographed for Aus$35.00.

The Larrikins Guide to Success

This is the best seller. Been selling well since it first came out. Its all true and is about a bunch of young Good Bastards and their misspent youth. It will have you laughin from the first page to the last and most folk can see them selves within the stories.

Stuff You’ll Never Learn At School

This follows on from The Larrikins Guide to Success and is more Colourful story’s of Young Good Bastards as they merge through into their early twenties. Plenty of larrikinism and every bit of it true with those involved directly named. You could be one of them.

The Good Bastards Huge Joke Book

An evergreen in its popularity. Full of hand picked gags by Paddy covering every politically incorrect situation you can think of. Get your copy now; it’s a great source of yarns.

It’s a Bloody Try Ya Useless Bastard

Subtitled “The Definitive guide to Country Rugby”, it is a collection of stories centred on the Saints football team in Hokitika. All stories have some basis of truth although no one can identified with any of the events or the veracity of the stories verified. Just the way we want it.

The Lost Tribe Of Jackson’s Bay

The latest yarn from Paddy. Motivated by factual events however the story line is fictitious as are the characters. Or are they?
It is a griping yarn with generous amounts of humour that takes the piss out of the Government, Department of Conservation, the treaty of Waitangi and a few other sacred cows. Written to true Sweeney form it take great delight in highlighting the continual stupidity of political correctness.

Irish Joke Book

You want a darn good laugh? Something that can lift your spirits, not forgetting that it will also make you one of the most knowledgeable person around when it comes to stuff that’s contained in the book,

Then get yourself a copy of this, this great joke book of all great joke books.

A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink.

The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it .... in one second the sharp lime taste hits... at two seconds the Baileys curdles... at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend.
She smiles widely at him and says, "So, how did you like it?
It's called 'Blow Job's Revenge.'"

This is what Pat Condon looks like on a good day
(Taken at The Good Bastards Hilton Last Whitebait season)

Just A Little Gas!

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight.

"Gaining a little weight are we, Sister Susan?" he asked.

"No, Father. Just a little gas." Sister Susan explained.

A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight.

"Gaining some weight are we, Sister Susan?" he asked again.

"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." She replied again.

A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent.

He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre not the toy

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, ! but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

This whole Good Bastards thing costs a shit load of money to run and maintain. Sure the books and the beer make a small profit, but it is insufficient to make this thing flow. Now lets make one thing clear: I’m not looking for money. All I’d like to do is explain a little about how I’m able to indulge in the whole thing. Last year the loss of running all the things we did, after taking into account all revenue was $12 000.00. No big deal in that, I had the capacity to absorb that.

Why, well some folk race cars boats and bikes, others travel to follow Rugby around the world and one way all of us indulge our passion without thought of the cost.

How I’m able to do so, is through my core business; Carpet Cleaning.

In 1990 I started up a company with some clearly defined objectives:

1. We wanted a great cash flow business that could pay all my bills and have enough left over for me to do the things I wanted done.

2. That business would be refined into a model whereby others could follow it and they could duplicate the success we achieved.

3. Then we could take that business to the world and sell it as a franchise to other ambitious folk who wanted to make a decent dollar and achieve a lifestyle 95% of people only ever dream about.

Well that has long since been accomplished: we now have 44 vans out there and will hit 60 by the end of the year.

Our top Franchise Owner has built their business to turnover in excess of $103 000.00 in the month of November. They now have seven vans and don’t clean carpets themselves. You can talk to them if you want verification.

Another topped $24 000.00 out pf one van also in November and combined with his other van turned over $36 000.00 plus. You can talk to him if you want verification.

Another turned over $90 000.00 with 6 vans, that’s $15 000.00 per van. You can talk to them to get verification of this.

Overall we clean over a thousand carpets a week and the company is very strong and has zero borrowings.

We have an amazing training program and very strong ongoing support system.

We have a number of points of difference.

From the client’s point of view, we can remove virtually any stain from a carpet. In the beginning there were a number of stains we couldn’t remove and we couldn’t buy any products that would.

So I studied chemistry and got a bit lucky and figured out how to remove some of the most stubborn stains imaginable: Red cordial, dog urine, coffee, Fanta, ink, you name it we can probably remove it as a result of much beavering away trying to figure out how..

This gives us a huge advantage over our opposition and sees the phone ringing its head off with jobs our opposition makes excuses about.

From the Franchise Owner’s point of view: Our sales and marketing plan can generate more jobs than you can carry out. (Look at the figures mentioned earlier) You either turn them down or put on more vans and your business just keeps growing.

In Australia we trade as Stain Busters Cleaning Systems and in NZ as You’ll Say WOW Carpet Cleaning.
If you want carpets cleaned in Australia ring 1300 55 66 02 and find out if we have an operator near you or in NZ its 0800 729 969

Now heres the business opportunity: If you want to find out more about how you could become a Franchise Owner for either country drop me an email on headoffice@stainbusters.com.au

Our websites are www.stainbusters.com.au & www.saywow.net.nz (the NZ one is still under construction, but there is a bit on it already)

Steve Flynn’s Irish Archives

Irish Shopping

McMullan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McMullan had done, "what was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.!!!!

"You've Been Out Drinking Again"

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!" Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?" "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

"I've Lost Me Luggage"

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

Water to Wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

John and David doing the ET thing and phoning their
missus at home while away an a trip doing Good Bastards Secret Business.

These two Good Bastards have really showed the spirit of what Good Bastards are all about. Based in Canberra Dave has travelled over to two Good Bastards Days and John one. (He got married, I don’t know if that had anything to do with it)

In any event in 2003 they also imported a couple of pallets of Good Bastards Beer, the first into Australia.

They have supported Good Bastards in every respect and continue to do so.

They own a couple of very Successful businesses in Canberra “the Kambah Sports Centre, where you can join a team and enjoy a fun game of Indoor Cricket, Netball, Soccer, or Volleyball. You can check that out on www.isk.com.au

They also own the Canberra Franchise for Stain Busters and have won many awards and broken many records in that business as well. As leading carpet Cleaners in the area they have a strong and ever expanding business. You can check that business out on www.stainbusters.com.au

Congratulations John and Dave and your great support to the Good Bastards movement.

Stuff to win Bets on

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. .

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie):
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour’s hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and
Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the
fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:
This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

Myths debunked by IRB findings
27 July 2005

By TOBY ROBSON

Some of the myths surrounding modern test match rugby have been exploded by statistics published in the International Rugby Board's 2004 annual report.
Detailed IRB research of 46 test matches played by the Six Nations countries, the Tri-Nations countries and Argentina last year revealed several surprising trends.
Perhaps the biggest surprise to those in the southern hemisphere will be the finding that northern hemisphere referees blew their whistles more often than their southern counterparts.
The statistics showed that referees from the north handed out an average of 22.5 penalties per game compared to the 23.9 of their southern counterparts.
And the international game may not be as free-flowing in the leadup to tries as it sometimes seems during Super 12 matches.
The multi-phased play perfected by the Brumbies, then duplicated by the Wallabies, produces few tries in tier 1 test matches.
Just 4 per cent of tries scored were preceded by six or more phases, while 87 per cent were preceded by three or less.
Of less surprise after watching the All Blacks' demolition of the British and Irish Lions is that tries continued to win matches.
On only four occasions out of the 46 matches did the team scoring fewer tries win the match.
An average of five tries were scored per game, the same number as penalties kicked.
The ball was in play for an average of 43 per cent of the time the highest ever recorded in a season.
And the game has become far more free-flowing, according to the IRB, with play going beyond the second phase and the ball being passed twice as much.
Most of the tries were scored in the second half and on the left-hand side of the posts.
But it made no difference to kickers as to which side they took aim. They were successful 69 per cent of the time from conversions and had a 77 per cent success rate from penalties.
Games are getting longer at an average of 90 minutes of running time - perhaps the result of the increasing use of television match officials, a process that lasted as little as 30 seconds and as much as two minutes and 43 seconds.
There are also more players being used in test matches, with 10 replacements on average per game and about 500 international caps awarded to players who started a match on the bench.

The difference between a woman aged....

8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

A company about to be launched that will own and promote Breweries, Pubs, Bars, Taverns and an exciting range of beers and other drinks throughout New Zealand Australia and the rest of the world.

westcoastBREWING is a company currently being formed. It started over three years ago when a bunch of Good Bastards got together and planned to open a Good Bastards Bar and Grill.
While a lot of money was spent and progress made, there were various flaws in the plan. We never let it go, we just kept refining it and working on it, pouring in the dollars to get it to the point where are now ready to launch. Work is commencing on the prospectus and a number of additional investors have come on board.
We will launch with a high profile board of directors, be well capitalised and have a policy of minimal borrowings.
Our establishments will be high profile and in the primest locations.
We’ll keep you posted.
PS: You are going to love our TV Commercials.

Subject: Sleep Study
According to a new article in ‘Cosmopolitan’ magazine, they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you. They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who sleep on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very popular.

SHIPPING MANURE
Exciting Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure, should you ever have a need. In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. It was also before commercial fertilizer’s invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term “Ship High In Transit” on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term “S.H.I.T,” which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I always thought it was a golf term …...and now you know, the rest of the story.

Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it.
A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled " You're an arsehole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, " You're an arsehole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arsehole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For
Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole ( I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?

"Yes?" "Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Arsehole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Arsehole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole," and hung up.

Then I called Arsehole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, arsehole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.

I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each
other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works

The Aussie Creed
WE ARE ONE - We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's New South Wales, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital

Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it.

Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament.

Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning.

And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, swimming, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk.

Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

I am, you are, we are Australian!

P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! (the roo and emu) No other country has this distinction!

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2006

How to hypnotize a bloke in 2 simple steps Instructions
1) click on the link below
2) Click on the picture, and drag it a little to the right, or left, or up right .. what ever you prefer! and then drop it . and watch .
http://www.mxfiles.kneib.biz/drag_and_go_back_spezial.html

Gidday you Good Bastards...

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, "No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

Cheers

nick@therock.net.nz

A Letter George W Bush from Michael Moore

To All My Fellow Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush:

On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I'm just curious, how does it feel?

How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked and you went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows? That's right. Horse shows. I really want to know -- and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect -- how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C'mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don't start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton.

Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe. I want you to put aside your self-affixed label of Republican/ conservative/born-again/capitalist/ditto-head/right-winger and just talk to me as an American, on the common ground we both call America. Are we safer now than before 9/11? When you learn that behind the horse show runner, the #2 and #3 men in charge of emergency preparedness have zero experience in emergency preparedness, do you think we are safer? When you look at Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, a man with little experience in national security, do you feel secure? When men who never served in the military and have never seen young men die in battle send our young people off to war, do you think they know how to conduct a war?

Do they know what it means to have your legs blown off for a threat that was never there?

Do you really believe that turning over important government services to private corporations has resulted in better services for the people? Why do you hate our federal government so much?

You have voted for politicians for the past 25 years whose main goal has been to de-fund the federal government. Do you think that cutting federal programs like FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers has been good or bad for America? GOOD OR BAD? With the nation's debt at an all-time high, do you think tax cuts for the rich are still a good idea? Will you give yours back so hundreds of thousands of homeless in New Orleans can have a home?

Do you believe in Jesus? Really? Didn't he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us?

Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all. The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake. That's not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake.

A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him.

All this while New Orleans sank under water. It would take ANOTHER day before the President would do a flyover in his jumbo jet, peeking out the widow at the misery 2500 feet below him as he flew back to his second home in DC. It would then be TWO MORE DAYS before a trickle of federal aid and troops would arrive. This was no seven minutes in a sitting trance while children read "My Pet Goat" to him.

This was FOUR DAYS of doing nothing other than saying "Brownie (FEMA director Michael Brown), you're doing a heck of a job!" My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world? And on this sacred day of remembrance, do you think we honour or shame those who died on 9/11/01? If we learned nothing and find ourselves today every bit as vulnerable and unprepared as we were on that bright sunny morning, then did the 3,000 die in vain?

Our vulnerability is not just about dealing with terrorists or natural disasters. We are vulnerable and unsafe because we allow one in eight Americans to live in horrible poverty. We accept an education system where one in six children never graduate and most of those who do can't string a coherent sentence together. The middle class can't pay the mortgage or the hospital bills and 45 million have no health coverage whatsoever. Are we safe? Do you really feel safe? You can only move so far out and build so many gated communities before the fruit of what you've sown will be crashing through your walls and demanding retribution.

Do you really want to wait until that happens? Or is it your hope that if they are left alone long enough to soil themselves and shoot themselves and drown in the filth that fills the street that maybe the problem will somehow go away? I know you know better.

You gave the country and the world a man who wasn't up for the job and all he does is hire people who aren't up for the job. You did this to us, to the world, to the people of New Orleans. Please fix it.

Bush is yours. And you know, for our peace and safety and security, this has to be fixed. What do you propose? I have an idea, and it isn't a horse show.

Yours,
Michael Moore
www.michaelmoore.com
mmflint@aol.com

Never really written anywhere what the “W” stands for in Goerge W Bush.

Perhaps somewhere in the list below holds the answer

Ways to say "Masturbation"
(a little humor is always good)

audition the finger puppets
backstroke roulette
bash the bishop
bash the candle
be a virtuoso of the skin flute
beat off
beat the bishop
beat the dummy
beat the meat
beat the stick
beat up your date
beef-stroke-it-off
bleed the weed
blow your load
bludgeon the beefsteak
bop the baloney
box the jesuit and get cockroaches
boxin' the bald champ
buff the banana
burp the baby
burp the worm
butter the corn
choke Kojak
choke the chicken
choke the chubby
choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
clamp the pipe
clean your rifle
climb Mount Baldy
closet Frisbee
come into your own
cook the cream of cock
corral the tadpoles
couch hockey for one
crack one off
crank the shank
crimp the wire
crown the king
cuff the carrot
diddle
do a hand job
do battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
do handiwork
do the janitor thing
drain the monster
engage in safe sex
fist fuck
fist your mister
five knuckle shuffle
flog the knob
flog the dog
flog the dong
flog the hog
flog your mule
fondle the fig
friggit
gallup the antelope
genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion
get a date with Slick Mittens
get the German soldier marching
get to know yourself
give it a tug
go a couple of rounds with ol' josh
go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
grease the pipe
hack the hog
have a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
have a date with Fisty Palmer
have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
have a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
have it off
have a pull
have sex with someone you love
hitchhike to heaven
hitchhike under the big top
hold the sausage hostage
hug the hog
hump your hose
jack hammer
jack off
jazz yourself
jerk off
jerkin' the Gherkin
juggling the coullions
meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
launching the rocket skyward
lope the mule
make instant pudding
make the bald man puke
mangle the midget
manipulate the mango
manual override
master bacon
meet Rosie Hancock
milk the cow
milk the lizard
mount a corporal and four
nerk your throbber
null the void
oil the glove
onan's olympics
pack your palm
paddle the pickle
paint the ceiling
paint the pickle
peel the banana
peel some chilies
perform diagnostics on your ManTool
play a little five-on-one
play in a one-man show
play five against one
play pocket pinball
play pocket pool
play tug-of-war with the cyclops
play Uno
please your pisser
plunk your twanger
polish Percy in your palm
polish the family jewels
polish the rocket
polish the sword
pound off
pound the bald-headed moose
pound the pud
pound your flounder
pull off
pull rank
pull the carrot
pull the cord
pull the five-knuckle shuffle
pull the goalie
pull the pole
pull the pope
pull your prick
pull your taffy
pump the python
punchin' the munchkin
ram the ham
ride the great white knuckler
roll your own
rope the pony
rope the pope
rub off
rub one out
run off a batch by hand
sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
scour the tower of power
self abuse
self-induced penile regurgitation
shake hands with the unemployed
shake hands with your John Thomas
shake hands with your wife's best friend
shemp the hog
shift gears
shine the helmet
shine your pole
shoot putty at the moon
shoot skeet (pull... shoot)
shoot the moon
slakin' the bacon
slam the ham
slam the spam
slammin' the salmon
slap high fives with Yul Brynner
slap the carrot, slap the clown
slap the donkey
slap the pud
slap the salami
slappin' pappy
sling the jelly
snap the monkey
snap the rubber
snap the whip
solo sex
spank the frank
spank the monkey
spank the salami
squeeze the cheese
squeeze the juice
stinky pinky
stir the yogurt
stoke it
stroke it
stroke off
stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
stroke the dog
stroke the satin-headed serpent
stroke your poker
take matters into your own hands
take the monster for a one-armed ride
take part in population control
tease the weenie
tenderize the tube steak
test the testicles
test your batteries
the art of Unisex
tickly my fancy
tickle the pickle
time out with miss palmer
toss off
toss the turkey
twang the wire
thump the pump
tweak your twinkie
varnish the flagpole
wack the one-eyed worm
wack the weasel
wack the willie
walk the dog
walk the plank
wank
wax the carrot
wax the dolphin
wax your surfboard
whack off
whip off
whip the dummy
whip the wire
whip up some sour cream
whip your dripper
whizzin' jism
wixen
wonk your conker
work off
wrestle the eel
wring out your rope
wrist aerobics
yank off
yank the crank
yank your plank
yank the yoyo

Which one of these best describes George W Bush

WIN ONE OF PADDYS BOOK

King ‘bloody’ Charles

King ‘bloody’ Charles no doubt will have his supporters, good onem. However there is discussion now from the dickhead do gooders, those politically correct icons of failure and bullshit, that instead of calling him King Charles the 7th or what ever number of Charlies there has been prior to him. Call him King Charles ‘something’

Something like King Charles the Lion Heart, Or King Charles the Great.

What a crock of crap, or is it???

I reckon we should call him something like that; here a couple of suggestions.

King Charles the dickhead
King Charles the blind bastard
King Charles ‘WHO?’

Heres your chance to win a Good Bastards book. All you have to do is to come up with a name for King Charles and send it to paddy@goodbastards.com

Give it a go.

The cartoon from Tremain, the greatest Cartoonist in the world sums up what I reckon.

Here’s Something Interesting
Received the other day, this little discourse that should be on billboard around the country. This was written before all the bullshit down at Cronulla, where those who support a culture different to ours put a firm stake in the ground as to what they wanted. You don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that the beliefs perpetrated are directly aligned with El Quaeda.

Our Country – if you don’t agree with it? - YOU have the right – The right to leave

After Sydney not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Xmas lights.

After hearing that the State of South Australia changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her driver's license with her face covered.

This prompted this editorial written by an Australian citizen.

Published in an Australian newspaper.

Quote: IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT

Take It Or Leave It; I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.

However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration nor do I hold
a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia.

However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.

This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own
lifestyle.

This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society: Learn the language!

"In God We Trust" is our National Motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like " A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.

We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, And we really don't care how you did things where you came from.

This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.

But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our National Motto, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,

"THE RIGHT TO LEAVE".

If you aren't happy here then LEAVE We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted. Pretty easy really, when you think about it.

I figure if we all keep passing this to our friends (and enemies) it will also, sooner or later get back to the complainers, lets all try, please.

If you agree with these sentiments cut and paste this and send it on.

Release Date: 24/11/2005 (Before the Cronulla Bullshit)

Last one is for the boys
A WARNING

Check out the video at end of story, and just see for yourself what can
happen!

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be
alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs".
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
their male victims to go home and sleep with them.
A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then
simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men
will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific
looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly
what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling
that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."
In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the
unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment
referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is
administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to
this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are
male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking
encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you,
just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works click here:

Danger Zone - http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf

LINKS !
The Best Pub on the Planet	Paddys other business	Homesick Kiwi
Good Bastards Drag Racing Team	Here's a Good Bastards business for sale in NZ	The Best Glass Products on the Planet
Wacky Sites	Wild Foods Festival	Wotzup Australia
For all Concrete and Pipe Products	Promote your site here $50 for one year	Promote your site here $50 for one year

Auckland 90.2 FM	Waikato 93.0 FM
Bay of Plenty 94.2 FM	Rotorua 92.7 FM	Taupo 94.3 FM
Taranaki 95.6 FM	Hawkes Bay 95.1 FM	Manawatu 95.4 FM
Kapati 91.9 FM	Wellingtom 96.3 FM	Nelson 94.6 FM
Canterbury 93.7 FM	Otago 93.4 FM	Southland 90.8 FM

January 30th 2006 ISSUE #101
*Dedicated to fixing up political correctness.*
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Things you should check out on the site Before you bugger off home...

Things you should check out on the site
Before you bugger off home...