Coming to you from sunny winterless Queensland. Perfect one day, better the next.

Thought for the day: "If men got pregnant, abortions would be available in the supermarket."

 

The Good Bastards
Rugby World Cup Winners



The Sydenham Cavaliers

The Good Bastards World Cup was won by the Sydenham Cavaliers and what a great bunch of Good Bastards they are.

They were definite contenders last year and this year they got behind the event with a vengeance.

Every aspect of the whole event they were their head and shoulders above the rest and only an eyebrow ahead of last years Winners Merivale maulers.

The Big Handover
(Scotty pinching the grog in the back ground)
 

Last Years Winners
Look at that lip will ya

 

Good Rugby Bastard of the Year
Scotty Williams


Good Bastard of the Tournament
Rob Wallace


Scotty Paddy And Patrick




Some Good Bastards

Don & Paddy


Oh Shit the Bastards have scored

Big Plans for Good Bastards Rugby Club

(Providing some of you Good Bastards
get in the scrum and help)

We have a heap of things planned to be happening with the Good Bastards Rugby Club. Here are some of them: ……

• Next Years Good Bastards World Cup

• An Annual game on Good Bastards day in Hokitika between West Coast and the rest of the South Island with two Representative teams

• A South Island team will be selected from that to play a Good Bastards North Island team

• Selection is by resume as to what some other bastard thinks you are a Good Bastard plus your yarn telling skills.

• A North Island tournament will also be organised and from there the Good Bastards Awl Blax team will be selected, again from resume. It’s not too late for you old bastards to become an Awl Blax

• A similar process will eventuate in Aus, need the folk to help make it happen!!

• A Bleedingslow Cup is also muted in Australia next year with Airfares accommodation piss ups and all for under a thousand bucks.

• A Good Bastards News letter about twice or three times a year.

• Substantial Fund Raising for Good Bastards Teams to Travel is planned. Some extremely exciting things planned in there.

• The Good Bastards Help a Mate Trust will be doing its own fund raising as well to get some dosh in the tin to be able to help Good Bastards in need

Now if you think I can do this all by myself
Your bloody kidding yourself.

“The Bottom Line is I need a hand”

It will never happen unless we get representation from within various clubs and also get some teams set up solely under the Good Bastards Banner.

If your reading this and you think it’s a good idea either nominate someone from your club or get your self nominated or set up your own Good Bastards Rugby Club.

Some clever bastard once said there are three types of Good bastards out there:

• Those that MAKE things happen
• Those that WATCH what’s happening
• and those that haven’t got a friggin clue what’s happening.

Which one are you, ya useless bastard?

Finger out of arse time
Drop me a note
Drop me an email
Or just drop me
paddy@goodbastards.com
 

Albert's Reality
Two women were in the changing room at the Gym and one notices the other putting on a pair of men’s jocks.

Curious the other woman said “How long have you been wearing woman’s underwear?”

“Ever since my husband found them in my car.”

Now That’s Reality




 

Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Giving the Finger Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and, therefore, be incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew"). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW!"

Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have
something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird'."
And yew thought yew knew everything!

One day in the Garden of Eden....
“Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"And why is that Eve?"
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"Man? What is that, Lord?"
"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch Lord?"
"Well...you can have him on one condition."
"And what's that Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring...so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it'll have to be our little secret...you know, woman to woman."

 

Perks of being a man:
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work .. more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress £2000; Tux rental £100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. You can quietly watch a game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
27. No maxi-pads.
28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes.
37. The world is your urinal.
 

Mouse Recalibration
Wow, this actually does work.
To recalibrate your mouse, click and hold on the star.
Then drag the moon toward the smiley face.
If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse.

¶Stop fucking around and go and do something constructive.J

Don’t get much tougher
A little old lady wants to join a biker club.
She knocks on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded Biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy is amused and tells her that she needs to meet certain biker requirements before she is allowed to join. So the biker asks her, "You have a bike?"

The little old lady says, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady says, "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"

The little old lady says, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, But I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
 

Good Bastards Beer
Delivered to Your door In New Zealand
$99.99
(Hundred Bucks If you haven’t got the right Money)

Paddy sitting on his personal stock of Good Bastards Beer

Delivered to Your Door
New Zealand Only

We keep getting folk wanting to buy Good Bastards Beer in New Zealand and their local bottle O has run out or doesn’t stock it. So we are setting up a system where you we will deliver it direct to your door.

It only comes in a carton of 8 six packs and be split anyway between, Lager and the Award Winning Dark Ale.

Simply send an email WITH YOUR PHONE NUMBER to the Brewery beerorders@goodbastards.com 
They will ring you back and arrange payment.
 

This Editions Ripper Of A Yarn

An eighteen-year-old girl goes to see her mum and tells her that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know"!

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a brand new Ferrari stops at their house, a mature and distinguished man, with grey hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 3 stores, 2 townhouses, a
beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $500,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage..."

At this point, the father, who had remained silent all the time, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him:
"If there is a miscarriage you'll fuck her again!"
 

Wanted
A tall well built woman with good 
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
Interested? Then please only read
lines 1, 3 and 5; still interested?
Call me at...... 8250-0327 "

 

Tradition is a powerful thing.
A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai. Wanting his own space, he buys a small piece of land near the outback. A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. So he goes next door, but on his way up the drive-way, he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to
interrupt this "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day. The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last
go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a cow down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's ass.
The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says What the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today, you have your head so close to that cow's ass, it could just about shit on you." The Chinese man is very taken back and says (in his best Asian voice) "Sorry Sir, you do not understand, these aren't Chinese customs I am performing, but Australian customs." "What do you mean mate" says
the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs." "Yes they are", replied the Chinese man, "for you see, in order for me to become a true Australian, I must Chase Chicks, Drink Piss, and listen to Bull-shit."
 

Gidday you Good Bastards...

I was going to do some gags, but then I came across (not literally) this picture of Serena Williams that I thought you'd all like...

Cheers

 

Nick
nick@therock.net.nz

HERE ARE THE FREQUENCIES...

Auckland 90.2 FM	Waikato 93.0 FM
Bay of Plenty 94.2 FM	Rotorua 92.7 FM	Taupo 94.3 FM
Taranaki 95.6 FM	Hawkes Bay 95.1 FM	Manawatu 95.4 FM
Kapati 91.9 FM	Wellingtom 96.3 FM	Nelson 94.6 FM
Canterbury 93.7 FM	Otago 93.4 FM	Southland 90.8 FM

Check out their web site
 
www.therock.net.nz

 

This weeks wacky site is
http://www.swearygeezer.com/gmax.html
 

 

 

Many Thanks Every week we receive jokes, stories, photos, cartoons and items of interest from all over the world. Many of these we receive several times, some we have already used and others for whatever reasons we don’t use. We receive far more than we can use which gives us a continuous access of what we think is good material. If you have sent in material and it wasn’t used or someone else was credited, we thank you for your contribution. All material is displayed herein in good faith on the basis that it is allowed to be used in forums such as this. If any material is used that should not have been. Please advise immediately and it will be withdrawn and an apology given. Many Thanks! Paddy Sweeney

 

Things you should check out on the site
Before you bugger off home...

The Good Bastards world Cup; Find out about our Rugby Club

The Good Bastards Hall of Fame:  Check out some real Great Good Bastards

Good Bastards Hall of Fame Nominations:  Nominate who you think should be

The Good Bastards Archives: Heaps of past news and great gags

The Good Bastards Gold Nugget: Write a Good bastard Story and win the Nugget

Good Bastards Stories:  Read stories written by other Good Bastards

The Good Bastards Competitions:  You could win stuff, give it a go.

Good Bastards, the book: Read the first chapter

 

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Last Update: 23/09/2003

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