Coming to you from sunny winterless Queensland. Perfect one day, better the next.

Thought for the day: "They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea." Sir Francis Bacon

 

Good Bastards Beer
Delivered to Your door In New Zealand
$99.99
(Hundred Bucks If you haven’t got the right Money)

Paddy sitting on his personal stock of Good Bastards Beer

Delivered to Your Door
New Zealand Only

We keep getting folk wanting to buy Good Bastards Beer in New Zealand and their local bottle O has run out or doesn’t stock it. So we are setting up a system where you we will deliver it direct to your door.

It only comes in a carton of 8 six packs and be split anyway between, Lager and the Award Winning Dark Ale.

Simply send an email WITH YOUR PHONE NUMBER to the Brewery beerorders@goodbastards.com 
They will ring you back and arrange payment.
 

Albert's Reality
Some fool once said “It's nice to be important, but it's more important To be nice!” Very easy to get caught up in grovelling with that one as many people do.

You are either nice or your not, tends to be the way it is.

A better way to look at it is you are either an angry person or you aren’t

You either are a compassionate person or your not.

The reality is that those who are not angry by disposition, and have a healthy degree of compassion, tend to negotiate the path of life a lot easier than others. That’s my reality for this week.



 

Steve Flynn’s Irish Archives
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy. They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too dangerous for me"

======- PART TWO =======
A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar peeper bag. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun. "Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider"

======- PART THREE =======
A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar peeper bag. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first dere was Gerry wit his  budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gloidin"

 

The Good Bastards Rugby Club

Paddy is setting up a Good Bastards Rugby Club on The Gold Coast (over 35)

Yep, that’s right, as of this point its very lonely, its only him in it. It will be known as The Gold Coast Good Bastards.
Before we can’t say a great deal now, until we get some folk involved, but get some folk involved we will. And a great fun club will emerge.

So all you Good Bastards in Brisbane, Gold Coast and surrounds put your hand up if you want to be involved.

• Shoulder to scrum people; Nothing happens unless some bastard does something and I can’t do it all by myself.
• Players; fun rugby, all ages, particularly over 35
• Supporters; you know, those folk who come along drink piss, sing and generally make it all worthwhile.

Good Bastards Rugby is the old style rugby club, while the hero’s are the hero’s, the real fun is at grass roots club level. Good Bastards Rugby is about leading the push in telling the poncy bastards that have taken the game into a business to go and get rooted. Good Bastards Rugby is where the real people reside.
 

We don’t need their money, we don’t need their support, we have an agenda of our own and its about having as much fun as humanly possible.

We are seeking to set Good Bastards Rugby Clubs
up all around the world

We are not exactly sure as to how these clubs will unfold, we do know that we will be creating history in the network of folk who love and believe in camaraderie and fun. It’s a tough old world out there, and Good Bastards wants to inject an alternative to armchair rugby. We need good motivated people to make it happen.

Have You Got The Balls?

We are looking for people to set up a
Good Bastards Rugby Club in the following areas:

New Zealand
Whangarei, Auckland, Hamilton, Rotorua, Taupo, Napier, Gisborne, Hastings, Levin, Wanganui, New Plymouth, Palmerston North, Wellington, Picton, Nelson, Motueka,, Blenheim, Westport, Greymouth, Hokitika, Dunedin, Oamaru, Gore, Invergargill, Queenstown, Cromwell/Alexandra/Wanaka, Timaru, Ashburton, North Canterbury,

Australia
Cairns, Townsville, Mackay, Rockhampton, Bundaberg, Hervey Bay, Sunshine Coast, Brisbane, Ballina, Coffs Harbour, Port Macquarie, Newcastle, Tamworth, Gosford, Sydney, Wollongong, Canberra, Bathurst, Wagga, Albury/Wodonga, Bendigo, Ballarat, Geelong, Melbourne, Hobart, Launceston, Adelaide, Perth, Darwin, Ayres Rock, Mount Isa, Broken Hill.

and
Elsewhere/Everywhere Else... Wherever you are we want a Good Bastards Rugby Club there!!

All Countries, all cities, all towns, all counties, one by one, person by person we will grow. Forget about it, be a part of it or just go down the pub and criticise us, that’s the only three options that will come out of this.

HEY: we know this is not going to happen in a minute, we don’t need clubs in all these areas now. We only need the NEXT person like Paddy who has the balls to say: “This thing I will do!”
Then it is a matter of building support one person at a time, and we will help you do this. It might take one year; it might take ten, whose counting. The only thing we know is that it will happen.

I’ve got balls as big “Church Bells” proved that a thousand times before and so there is nothing or no one who will or can stop this from coming about. PUT YOUR HAND UP AND BECOME A PART OF IT.

Doesn’t matter where you are send me an email, stating

Hey Paddy

Great idea, I’m part of it. I’m in as a:
• Founding President
• Helper
• Player
• Supporter
• Shoulder to the scrum in making it happen.

Cheers

Your name

Cut and paste it and send off to paddy@goodbastards.com 

Become A Founding President of
A Good Bastards Rugby Club in your Area

Existing Clubs can convert from
Golden Oldies to Good Bastards Rugby

More fun, more humour, no travel restrictions.

The Good Bastards Rugby World Cup
 

The Good bastards Rugby World Cup will soon be upon us and we are calling for teams and players to register.
To be held at Merivale Rugby Club, Nunweek Park, Christchurch
Thursday 21st August – Sunday 24th August 2003
Home of the Merivale Maulers Golden Oldies
Holders of the Good Bastards Rugby World Cup
This is an invitation to take part in the 2nd Good Bastards Rugby World Cup for teams over the age of 35 years* and who play in the spirit of Good Bastards
What are we about?
Having a good time, playing golden oldies style rugby,
telling yarns, and sharing good fellowship.
* if your team is all over 45, please tell us so we can adjust the draw.

Thursday 21st August 2003 from 6.30pm.
A welcome to the visitors from out of Christchurch with a BBQ at the Merivale Rugby Club

Friday 22nd August 2003
Optional golf tournament (Ambrose) starting at 12 noon.
Evening free to taste the spirit of the city centre restaurants and bars

Saturday 23rd August 2003
Today you will play one game lasting 1 hour, but made up of
3 x 20 minute spells, and during which you will change opponents.
The draw will be dependent on number of entries but games are expected
to be played in the afternoon. Great fellowship and a few good yarns
washed down by the award winning Good Bastards beer will follow.
At 7pm there will be the Good Bastards spit roast dinner,
with entertainment and dancing (if you have a dancing partner)

Sunday 24th August 2003
Today sees the second round of games (same as 1st round), commencing at 10.30am (at the earliest)
This will be followed by a great
wind-up and presentation of the
Good Bastards Rugby World Cup.

Be part of the growing phenomenon
- the worlds largest rugby club.
Enter your team now.
For full details contact:
Neil Blanchfield
(03) 377 1700, neil@greatevents.co.nz
or
Paddy Sweeney the Head Honcho of Good Bastards
paddy@goodbastards.com
or
Scott Williams, Merivale Maulers
(03) 359 5518 (evenings)

There is no registration fee and if your just looking for a fun game contact us and we will make it happen.

Our Slogan
“Putting the fun back into Grass Roots Rugby.”

We want to build something quite special here, something that is run and driven by the folk involved.
Thank you to all the Good Bastards who are getting behind the concept.

Be Part of The Future Driving Force
There will be a meeting of the new faithful at the Christchurch Good Bastards Rugby World Cup over the weekend of the 21st of August. At this meeting we will elect the executive who is going to drive the club in the future.
So if you are someone who rolls your sleeves up, makes things happen and does stuff then you should be getting nominated for a job.

The Good Bastards Rugby World Cup
This over 35 event is on the 22nd 23rd 24th of August 2003
Nunweek Park
Christchurch
Hosted by Merivale’s Mighty Merlins Maulers
For more Information contact
neil@greatevents.co.nz
 

How to deal with people who piss you off

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait ... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic, and disorder .. my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be a fucking airport.




 

There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do.

Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.

If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.

The average woman weighs 144 lb. and wears between! a 12-14.

One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.

The models in the magazines are airbrushed -- not perfect!

A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.

Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman.

Today they weigh 23% less.

~Beauty of a Woman~

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman
With passing years -- only grows.

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
 

Peter O’Connor




Membership Man
The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards

A thing that has kept me bogged down forever has been getting The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards and The Good Bastards Rugby Club Certificates.

Well, Good Bastards Peter O’Connor has come to the rescue and is slowly catching up the huge back load.

If you have changed your email address since joining, then the simpliest thing is to rejoin, fill out the form and start again.

Good onya Peter, you are doing a great job.
 

Who are the bastards in the Black Jerseys picked to win the world cup?

Gidday you Good Bastards...

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen. The surprised salesman replies "But, madam, computers do not have curtains...."
And the blonde said: "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ten little All Blacks, standing in a line
Jonah's kidneys fell apart and then there were nine
Nine little All Blacks, waiting at the gate
Leon had his head kicked in and then there were eight
Eight little All Blacks, en route for World Cup Heaven
No-one knows what Christian did and then there were seven
Seven little All Blacks practicing their kicks
Andrew scored the most of all and then there were six
Six little All Blacks still with hopes alive
Anton did not fit the mould and then there were five
Five little All Blacks near the swinging door
Taine was much too versatile and then there were four
Four little All Blacks running round with glee
Byron came and passed and went and then there were three
Three little All Blacks wondering what to do
If Bennie's shoulder goes again, then there'll be two
Two little All Blacks, whose time is nearly done
After Tana's had his say, then there'll be one
One little All Black not having too much fun
Add him to those that remain - our World Cup hopes are done

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree, off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe.
"Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run, amigo, run!! Ees not a Bacon Tree"
"ees... a.... Ham bush"

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" She blew her top!
"You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed, "Shit, it started..."

Up ya Jap's eye...
 

Nick
nick@therock.net.nz

HERE ARE THE FREQUENCIES...

Auckland 90.2 FM	Waikato 93.0 FM
Bay of Plenty 94.2 FM	Rotorua 92.7 FM	Taupo 94.3 FM
Taranaki 95.6 FM	Hawkes Bay 95.1 FM	Manawatu 95.4 FM
Kapati 91.9 FM	Wellingtom 96.3 FM	Nelson 94.6 FM
Canterbury 93.7 FM	Otago 93.4 FM	Southland 90.8 FM

Check out their web site
 
www.therock.net.nz

 

Bombing in Jakarta
What low life bastards these arseholes up in Jakarta are with the recent bombing. Good Bastard Clive Bissell is our man on the spot and supplied some photos from a journo taking some snaps with his box brownie of the fire, he caught some interesting spectators in the building opposite.
 

 

This weeks wacky site is
This site has been presented with the sole purpose of showing the world what happens to Pat Condon as he drinks a few beers
http://members.aol.com/matt999h/beer.htm


 

Paddy's Last Word

It’s been alleged that Paul Keating fell out of a clowns arse,
While we all have our protractors Keating put a lot of humour into the Australian Parliament and he’s on the money with what he has to say at the moment.

Right now he has said something that I would agree with him on , the yanks are on a mission similar to that of Mad Max.

Bush’s is currently killing the sons of good people at a rate better than one a day in IRAQ in his quest to prove the story of WEAPONS OF MASS DECEPTION.

Maybe the parents think there sons have died for a worthwhile cause, I certainly don’t. Bush is nothing but a murdering arsehole. As of the time of writing this his actions have resulted in the killing of over 5 000 people in his quest to get two other arseholes, Saddam and Bin Laden, both of whom are alive and well.

Bush, Blair and Howard, three arseholes that all are the sons of satan hell bent on imposing their sadistic perverted ideals on decent folk and their families who are still out their defending America.

If you disagree with this, why aren’t you over in Iraq putting your life on the line for the weapons of mass deception? How would you feel if your son or daughter was in the firing line over their right now?

A lot of people saying what they have done over there is great, what’s great about your son or daughter being killed in a cause that has yet to be substantiated?????

More people a day die from Lung cancer than were killed on 9/11. Yet the cigarette company’s are ok because of the tax they pay. What a sad and depraved bunch of leaders we have in the Western world.

Maybe if there was a terrorist tax ………..

These egomaniac that rule the world have as their best friends certain sectors of the media, who wouldn’t dare report a view point such as this in case it upset advertising sales.

Many in America that have thought the exercise through to its logical conclusion and think that Bush is a megalomaniac

Anyway have a read of what one megalomaniac is saying about another.
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/World/story_50617.asp

How many more innocent people will die under the jurisdiction of Bush?

Terrorism by different names has been recorded since the beginning of recorded history.

Yet we still must bear the tragedies of people who cant seem to get their egos fed in the real world who head up governments and collectively send millions of innocent people to their deaths in the name of these debauched self gratify ideals.

The simple answer:

PUT THE PEOPLE THAT START THE WARS IN THE
FRONT LINE AND SEE HOW MANY WARS THEY START


 

 

Many Thanks Every week we receive jokes, stories, photos, cartoons and items of interest from all over the world. Many of these we receive several times, some we have already used and others for whatever reasons we don’t use. We receive far more than we can use which gives us a continuous access of what we think is good material. If you have sent in material and it wasn’t used or someone else was credited, we thank you for your contribution. All material is displayed herein in good faith on the basis that it is allowed to be used in forums such as this. If any material is used that should not have been. Please advise immediately and it will be withdrawn and an apology given. Many Thanks! Paddy Sweeney

 

Things you should check out on the site
Before you bugger off home...

The Good Bastards world Cup; Find out about our Rugby Club

The Good Bastards Hall of Fame:  Check out some real Great Good Bastards

Good Bastards Hall of Fame Nominations:  Nominate who you think should be

The Good Bastards Archives: Heaps of past news and great gags

The Good Bastards Gold Nugget: Write a Good bastard Story and win the Nugget

Good Bastards Stories:  Read stories written by other Good Bastards

The Good Bastards Competitions:  You could win stuff, give it a go.

Good Bastards, the book: Read the first chapter

 

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Last Update: 02/09/2003

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