Coming to you from mission control on the Gold Coast.

Thought for the day: "Be sure your words are short and sweet. You never know which you will have to eat."

True Art
Supplied by Good Bastard Peter Campion

With Christmas coming up,
Here are a few tips for the blokes on what not to buy the little Lady …..

 

1.
Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on TV that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a infomercial. The only appliance allowed is a vibrator with all of the various speeds, slow, medium, and who needs a man. Another wise choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)
 

2.
Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Surf you have been wanting." "This Windoclean should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 finger painting of Ricky Martin you were eyeing in Kmart.
 

3.
Any sharp objects which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."
 

4.
Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a centimetre hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.
 

5.
Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair off pyjamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the sexy woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).
 

6.
No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu deToilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, a $10 hooker, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
 

7.
Any type of cubic zirconia jewellery you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewellery and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your mates.
 

8.
Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "where the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). It’s a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo.
 

9.
Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit. She'll certainly get a workout stretching to the oldies while stuffing dollar bills in his g-string. I'm not sure, but I think that alone burns up 3,500 calories.
 

10.
Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be a Bitch Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.
 

11.
What should you buy her: Just read the next section, it will give a big clue.
 

THE Best Gift for a Bloke or a Good Bitch or a Bad Bitch

WHY: It has been compiled for both male and female. You will be giving a lot of laughs, smiles, giggles, chuckles, hoots, snorts, cackle, titters, grins and guffaws.

There is a Good Bitch Laugh Zone as well as a Bad Bitch Laugh Zone. Of course there is a Bloke Laugh Zone and heaps of others as well.

Of course you could even one of the free ones being given away. Enter below. Winners announced next week.

 

It's Relative
Christmas is relative as the leading festive season of the year.

I like Christmas because I get “some” good gifts.

It’s these not so good gifts that make Christmas less relative. It’s these wasted gifts that take from the process. We have all received them and likely all given them at some stage.

The law of relativity rest squarely with the enjoyment of the receiver marrying up with the joy of the giver.

To achieve this, the answer is relatively simple.

Enquire to what the recipient wants. That way you will make your gift go to where it is aimed, the heart.

This Is the Way To Play Lotto
Click Here

$25 000 000 draw coming up in a couple of weeks

Syndicate club is the way to go! I would hope that a lot of your Good Bastards have joined in to your Syndicate Club, as over 1,200,000 payouts have been made to members from the Tattslotto system since it started some 2 years ago. Not bad for a few bob a week. Stress to them to go into your website and "have a go, the useless bastards" otherwise some other bastards will take all the spoils.
 

Steve Flynn’s Irish Archives
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.

Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."

 

Subject: HEADACHE
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.

"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"
At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.

"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her.

This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.

The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. "Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell *HIM*, you have a headache!"

 

Great Sporting Moments From The Past
"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?" - U.S. TV Commentator
 

The Good Bastards
Task Force

If you have a bitch to air about Political correctness, stupid government or greedy big business, drop us a line and we are likely to post it on the site. taskforce@goodbastards.com
 

Breaking News

NEW ZEALAND MP’s SCOOP MILLIONS FROM THE PUBLIC
PURSE FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT

Politicians show how to be “Criminals” and get away with it

Twenty eight minutes is all it took to rush through parliament one of the most blatant criminal acts in recent history of stealing public money.

Helens Big Present To All Her Mates and Foes:

Politicians intent on maintaining the tag “Low Life” have dived into the tax collect for Christmas and lined their pockets with the largesse. A pay rise commensurate with inflation is understandable; however what these absolutely useless bastards have stolen on an ongoing basis is criminal. No other word for it.

This Newspaper article outlines how it works:

MPs' new tax rules 'disgraceful'
15 December 2002

By RUTH LAUGESEN and ANTHONY HUBBARD

MPs have rushed through a clause in their new pay and perks legislation putting them in the same class as the governor-general in being exempt from some income taxes.
The clause will mean MPs' allowances for travel, accommodation, attendance or communication services will be treated in a different way to other taxpayers.
The perks will be listed in a special section of the Income Tax Act, along with the governor-general's income, as exempt from tax.
The perks include personal travel by MPs and their families, and subsidised personal overseas trips. The change is designed to head off any attempts by Inland Revenue to tax MPs and their families for perks.
The clause was part of the controversial Remuneration Authority Amendment Bill that went through its final stage in parliament on Thursday in 28 minutes.

Not sure why the Governor General gets a better deal either. (The Australian Governor General gets special treatment. (In Australia the Governor General use to be a Bishop, when he was, he covered up molestation charges aimed at one of his merry men.)

Maybe we should have an election and vote in a Good Bastard Governor General!

Senior MPs from all parties are already under fire for gutting the bill of proposals to put all MPs' pay and perks under an independent authority for the first time, a move intended to help clear up MPs' tax obligations.
The new tax status for MPs was not explained in speeches by senior MPs ushering the bill through, including Revenue Minister Michael Cullen, or in material accompanying the bill.
Even perk-busting Act MP Rodney Hide, the only MP to vote against the bill, didn't know of the new tax status of MPs until contacted by the Sunday Star-Times.

Why did you vote Rodney if you didn’t know what it was you were voting for?
Covert Bastards the lot of them, and they are running the country. History books are full of a whole bunch of other arseholes, who started off with small misdeeds and because they were allowed to get away with it, went on to bigger and worse things. Is this the big clue here?

And of course Helen Feral Fark put the big rubber stamp on it first.

"If the MP received $100 worth of benefit and had to pay tax himself, he'd have to pay $39 on that. Whereas if it's subject to fringe benefit tax he gets the whole $100 tax-free, and the Crown has to pay fringe benefit tax on that."
Because of last-minute changes to the bill, neither the public nor tax experts had the chance to make submissions on the change.

You are not allowed to have a say when it comes to MP’s stealing from the coffers. Let them get it through as fast as possible and then you can’t call it stealing.

Hide said he was sure most MPs had no idea what they were voting for when the bill went through the house.

(Bullshit Rodney, If anyone votes on anything, let alone in parliament, and they don’t know what it is, they should be in the home for the bewildered, not running the country)

"What MPs have done is legislate a tax rort for themselves. There are now two sets of tax rules, one for MPs and one for everyone else.

Everyone else goes to jail for this, except of course MP’s and the Governor bloody General.

"They had voted themselves the biggest Christmas present, which is overseas travel which the taxpayer has to pay the taxation on. It's hard to see how you put MPs' overseas travel up there with the governor-general's income as a special status."

Ok, are all you Good Bastards who live in NZ going
to take this crap and let them get away with it?

Is It Time For An Election Based
Solely On This As The Mandate?







 

Did you know...
While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl. We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat-arsed man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
 

Bloody Doctors
Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"

The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?"

"98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?"

The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!"
 

Freeze the Balls off A Brass Monkey
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannon fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon.

The problem arose on how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
 

The way it is in the army
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is ."
 

Holiday Terminology

Old world charm = No bathroom
Tropical = Rainy
Majestic setting = A long way from town
Options galore = Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway = Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms = Already occupied
Explore on your own = Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts = They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees = No extras
Nominal fee = Outrageous charge
Standard = Sub-standard
Deluxe = Standard
Superior = One free shower cap
All the amenities = Two free shower caps
Plush = Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes = Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy = No air conditioning
Picturesque = Theme park nearby
Open bar = Free ice cubes
 

Paddy
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled Paddy as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic fine.

"Keep it," the clerk advised. "When you get four of them, you get a bicycle."
 

You should have SEX on days that begin with T:
Thanksgiving,
Tuesday,
Thursday,
Today,
Tomorrow,
Thaturday?
Thunday?
Every Thoody day!
 

Good Bastards Beer
Our competition for the best slogan for Good Bastards Day for the month of November is:

Dan Venner
Of Christchurch

Its great to drink with your old man on fathers day

Dan has won himself 8 six packs of Good Bastards Beer delivered to his door by Shop Naked.

The October Winner was:

Donna Ingham
Of Hamilton

It's great to drink a Good Bastard while your hanging out with one!
(My husbands a Good Bastard)

Its not too late for you to win the eight six packs for this months slogan. Here are the 20 most popular reasons why folk buy Good Bastards Beer.

Step one: Read them through

1. They like the taste
2. It doesn’t make you crook
3. It is a great way to tell a mate he/she is a Good Bastard
4. It is great to have at a party
5. It is a great gift for a Good Bastard
6. It is great for the barbie
7. It is great at Weddings
8. It is a ideal for a twenty first party
9. It is perfect for a stag party
10. What better beer for a wake after you have seen off a Good Bastard
11. Great for the tradesmen that do a good job around the house for you
12. What better gift at Christmas for your Clients and Customers
13. Out fishing, no better companion
14. After the game, the reviver
15. THE best beer to quench your thirst
16. At the party
17. After work, the great relaxer
18. Watching footy on the Tele
19. With the mates out on the boat
20. With a big juicy steak

Step Two: Pick the three that you think are the most important to you. (you will enter them later)

Step Three: Add one more that you think is a great way or reason to
enjoy a Good Bastard

Step Four: Fill in the fields below and click submit
 

Win Eight Six Packs Of Good Bastards
Delivered to Your Door By Shop Naked

There are Three Packs to be won
21st OCTOBER
18th NOVEMBER
23rd DECEMBER

If you’re local doesn’t carry Good Bastards or you are Isolated then have your Good Bastards delivered anywhere in New Zealand with Shop Naked.

Good Bastards Hall of Fame
Peter And Jude Jones

Pete said, “Don’t mention the Zundapp.” So I won’t. When I first met this good bastard he was like me, had been roped into giving up a week of the August School Holidays when we were kids and go to the convent and learn catechism with the nuns for a week. Riveting stuff, just what 7 to 10 year olds needed, or so we were told by those that knew better than us.

Peter of course was a star pupil, he knew the answers, I never even knew the questions.

We meet up again when he got his first job delivering telegrams (What the hell is a telegram) on his mophead. Hughie Little and Pete use to think they were the ducks guts riding around on these 49 cc things.

Then Mike Agnew came along with the single cylinder 350 cc BSA and blew them away. Mike was delivering two telegrams to their one and still only getting four pound ten a week for doing so and using three times the petrol. Bloody Post Office bastards!

These 49 cc things had a ring to them similar to a tanked up invisible mosquito buzzing around your head in the dark.

Peter's Bike

Now day Peter and Jude have a couple of farms in the lush Kokatahi Valley. Having served his apprenticeship on the Z’s and perhaps with a bit of influence from Jude the Jones have moved up to bigger toys.

Some sort of Flash BMW motor bike can now be found resting up against a couple of hay bales with a tarpaulin covering it up at the Jones homestead. Nestled up next to Pete’s main car a Model T.

He can be found on Good Bastards day holding up the bar and a bottle of Good Bastards beer while passing comments to the TV reporters on what a feral bitch a certain Prime Minister is.

Heres to you Peter and Judy, coupla real good bastards.


 

Little Paddy
A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens.One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Little Paddy, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Jenny. Aunt Jenny was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Keep the frig away from Aunt Jenny when she's been on the piss ..."

 

A discussion in the immigration office at the airport:
NAME? Muhjmatil Ahmed Khan.
SEX? Three times a week!
I MEAN: MALE OR FEMALE? Doesn't matter. Sometimes even with camel....
 

Gidday you Good Bastards...

I had my Greek friend Marco over for a beer yesterday. I said to him, "Tell
me Marco, do you think you'll ever go back to Greece?"
And he said, "No, Nick. I'll stick with Vaseline."

What do sisters in a convent put on their skin when they lay out at the
beach?
NUN-screen!

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the
ugliest baby I've ever seen." .
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took a seat
right next to me. I sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was
wrong.
She said, "The bus driver insulted me."
I said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult
passengers."
She said, "You're right! I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece
of my mind!"
I said, "That's a good idea. Here, let me hold your monkey."

What do you call a one-legged lesbian?
Gaylene.

How does a blind parachutist know when the ground is close?
His guide dog's lead goes slack.

Mommy, Mommy! Where did your scabs go?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.

Bloody Leo's grandkid said to him one morning, "Grandad, I hope nana's
feeling better this morning."
Bloody Leo said, "There's nothing wrong with your nana. What makes you think
she was feeling ill?"
And his grandkid said, "Well, last night when I went to the toilet, as I
walked past your room I heard you tell nana to roll over and take his
medicine."


I was talking to Bloody Leo. He was moaning about his love life. He reckons
that him and his missus have got in that rut and the old bedroom olympics is
just routine and boring. I said, "Leo mate, get a bit creative. Why don't
you try playing 'DOCTOR' for an hour. That's what me and my missus do."
Leo said, "Might try that, but how do you make it last for an hour?" And I
said, "I keep the missus in the waiting room for 55 minutes."

Up your arses...

Nick


 

HERE ARE THE FREQUENCIES...

Everyone Plays A part In the Scheme of Things
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot dry fly who said to himself "Gosh...if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him."
There was a bear on the shore thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...that fish will jump for the fly...and I will eat him."
It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh" he thought "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a proper lunch."
You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there was more. A mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish... the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."
A pussy cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch."
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water...The fish swallows the fly...The bear grabs the fish. The hunter shoots the bear.. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich. The pussycat jumps for the mouse...The mouse ducks...The cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is: Whenever a fly goes down three inches...Some pussy is probably in danger.
 

Morrie from Melbourne sent this one in.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker
then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'.

Last word from Paddy

The 11.5 mill has been claimed and Saint Pam was back here, so it wasn’t her. I have from good authority, bloody Leo, that if it wasn’t Gus Thorpe it was someone who looks like him.

The hunt is now on in Hokitika for Gus Thorpe look-alikes. It isn’t Bloody Leo, no bastard looks like him, they broke the mould when he popped out. He has a rare animal attraction that women can’t resist. (That should get him in the shit.)

Wayne Chapman, ex-Hokitika sent me this e-mail about it.

Be a bit like a f ######g death sentence to win that much there. I did it here years ago & no bastard noticed. Cheers & Merry Xmas
Chappie

 

www.wotzup.com

Now, I said Last week that I would give you the run down on Gold Coast Units. They can be a bit of a problem. What most folk don’t realise is that you are paying an over inflated price when they are new. Like about the price they will really be worth in ten or twelve year’s time.

This does not include the 10 000 plus folk who bought units under the Great Gold Coast Property Scam that the Queensland Government has endorsed up until recently and reaped millions of dollars off in stamp duty and other secondary taxes.

You will hear heaps more about that as the reality hits home on just how many billion dollars it involves. One gallant reporter from the Courier Mail who has been exposing the scam and naming names, recently had his house shot up in a drive by shooting.

I wrote a novel about it a few years ago, maybe I should get around to publishing it.

We are not talking about those criminals her. This is about units in the normal market, which are regarded by many as a crook investment at the best of times.

The Australian Reserve Bank Governor came out last week and in an unprecedented announcement, warned people about eroding their savings in the huge losses that occur in high rise units especially those bought off the plan.. THAT’S SCARY STUFF IF YOU OWN ONE OF THESE BASTARDS.

You can experience some of the slickest conmen and women in the world, flogging Gold Coast Real Estate, especially if they are doing it off the Gold Coast. Some of them have been so well brain washed they don’t even realise the scam they are involved in.

There are good honest people selling property on the Gold Coast and some highly reputable firms. If you are contemplating buying here make sure you do your homework first on whom you’re dealing with, before you do your homework on the property.

The Gold Coast property market used to go in seven-year cycles. That was fine up until about 1988 and since then it went into a drought until about 18 months ago. Then it took off. Many tend to think it is at its peak about now.

That means it is the time to sell and certainly not the time to buy.

In 1981 an apartment block called Acapulco was being sold off the plan. In 1996, 15 years later I came across the original price list. I checked it out against what was advertised at that time. A particular unit was sold off the plan in 1981 for $270 000.

In 1996 the same unit was for sale for just under $200 000.00. Fifteen years later and it was for sale for over 70 grand less than it was originally sold for.

Since then it would have appreciated due to the rising market.

For my money, despite the so called story’s of great profits some have made, I wouldn’t be buying a unit on the Gold Coast as an investment that was in a holiday letting pool.

I might buy one in a building that the locals advised was a residential building. That is that those that own them occupy 80% of the units as full time residences.

There are not many of those and the body corporate fees are much less than their flashy cousins built by speculative developers and laced to catch interstate and off shore buyers.

Still in all, and old saying around here is that if you had a choice of Aids and a Gold Coast Unit, which would you, take?

The answer is Aids, one day you MIGHT be able to get rid of Aids.

 

This week’s wacky site is
A special song this week for Hooter. Not with standing there are a heap of other good bastards that it also applies too.
http://www.madblast.com/funflash/swf/PenisSong8.swf
 

Things you should check out on the site

Before you bugger off home...

The Good Bastards world Cup; Find out about our Rugby Club

The Good Bastards Hall of Fame:  Check out some real Great Good Bastards

Good Bastards Hall of Fame Nominations:  Nominate who you think should be

The Good Bastards Archives: Heaps of past news and great gags

The Good Bastards Gold Nugget: Write a Good bastard Story and win the Nugget

Good Bastards Stories:  Read stories written by other Good Bastards

The Good Bastards Competitions:  You could win stuff, give it a go.

Good Bastards, the book: Read the first chapter

 

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