www.goodbastards.com

1 year and 20,000 hits later...

Coming to you from mission control on the Gold Coast.

Thought for the day: "Politicians and nappy’s have one thing in common. They both should be changed regularly and for the same reason."

NEW...
IN BOOKSHOPS
THIS NOVEMBER

If you want a really a really fun job, then write a Joke Book. Putting this together has been a huge amount of fun. I opened me yapper earlier in the year and said I would have two books out for the year. “It’s a Bloody Try Ya Useless Bastard” out for Fathers Day and also the “Good Bastards Huge Joke Book” out for Christmas.

It is jammed packed with gags from all over the place. On a daily basis I get dozens of emails from regulars through to one offs from all sorts of weird and wonderful places.

In among these are some crackers and some shockers. We have a section of over 100 pages of Blokes jokes. Then there is a portion for the Good Bitches and one section dedicated to the Bad Bitches.

It’s all very well all the blokes having gags about women, we wanted it to a balanced augment so the 100 pages of Gags for the gals certainly does that.

The there is around a couple of hundred pages of gags having a laugh at a myriad of things. There is even a section of gags that aren’t there because we aren’t allowed to do them because of political correctness. Pigs Arse.

We take he piss out of bank managers, lawyers, priests, religion, George Bush, doctors, animal lovers, animals and many others in the funniest possible way.

If you’re looking for the ideal present for that bloke, uncle, father brother mate, sister, mother, aunty, friend, bastard or bitch. Then The GOOD BASTARD HUGE JOKE BOOK will do it for you.

Greg Davidson from www.wotzup.com has given us his interpretation as why this third book has come to pass.

 

And they're up!

Check out some photos from the Good Bastards Rugby World Cup on our Rugby Club page!

Heres How to Get A Good Bastards Polo Shirt
Absolutely Free
TWENTY FIVE UP FOR GRABS
Got the dates wrong last week and never got around to fixing them

You won’t get any better than this. Heres how it goes: We have our beer in a number of bars, bottle shops, restaurants and clubs around New Zealand.
Naturally we need more, If your local where you drink or where you occupy a nose bag from time to time doesn’t have the good tipple on sale and you can talk them in stocking it over the next four weeks we will supply you with a Good Bastards Polo Shirt retail value $32.50.
This offer is only for the next four weeks. It ends on the 4th of November 2002. It doesn’t apply to outlets we have already supplied.
It starts today the 7th of October. It doesn't apply to outlets we've already supplied.
If you are an outlet or work in one that we don’t supply, it’s a shirt for jam. There are hundreds of outlets that don’t stock it and are relatively easy to get it into to, so getting a shirt.
Here is the process.
• Convince your outlet to stock the beer.
• The minimum order is 20 six packs although bigger is better.
• Once they have agreed contact me on paddy@goodbastards.com
• Advise the outlets name.
• The name of the person to contact.
• Best time to contact them.
• What transpired in your discussions?
This offer applies to New Zealand only. The beer is not available in any other country yet, even though we have many enquires for supply.

It may be best not to mention you are going to get the Polo Shirt otherwise they will want to claim it. Once we have the information we will contact them direct.

What I Want To Know Is …
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

Celebrities Night Out
Elton John, Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue went out for a night in
London town. As they left the nightclub, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.

Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her skirt and gave her a good rear-ender.
"Its your turn now, Elton" grinned Robbie but Elton started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Elton? What's wrong?"
Elton sobbed "I can't get my head between the railings"
 

The "Boys" Competition
Now I can't divulge too much here, but there is a bit of a competition going on relate to Good Bastards Day between Hutchy, Birchy and Teeno. The score at present is ...

Birchy: ONE

Hutchy: NIL

Teen: NIL

Yep we made it too 20 000 visits
It was looking a bit doubtful there for a while, but we made it with 2 days up our sleeve. We had untill the close of play on the eighth and we hit late on Sunday night the 6th.

In September we recieved 34% of our vivts from New Zealand, 21% Australia, 17% unknown, 15% Network, 8% USA Comercial, 1% UK and 4% from the rest of the known countries. These include, India, China, Hong Kong, Singapore, France, Malasia, Austria, UEA, Canada, South America, Ireland, and a smattering of others.

Our Goal for our next year is 30 000. This will have to see the metre at the bottom of the page hit 50 000.

The Future of Fashion
This is incredible and hard to believe. This woman is actually walking down the street with no "real" clothes -- only those painted on her. Except her shoes.

The passers-by didn't give her a second look because the paint looked so much like clothing. YES, she is naked.

Seamus has been found!
In the book Good Bastards, the larrikins guide to success, in the last bastard (They weren’t called chapters) I told of a real good bastard old boss called Seamus Curren and how I and lost touch with him. Well Grant Growcott tracked him down and put me back in touch. Many thanks Grant. I look forward to having a beer with you on Good Bastards Day with you.

Seamus has some great photos from up the Copeland Track where I spent a winter with Seamus and a bunch of other Good Bastards up there. One of the miles stones hat stay with you.

No doubt you’ll see some of these photos somewhere down the track.

Win Good Bastards Beer for Christmas

The Natural Companion for a Great Time
 

Here’s the 20 most popular reasons why folk buy Good Bastards Beer.
Step one: Read them through

1. They like the taste
2. It doesn’t make you crook
3. It is a great way to tell a mate he/she is a Good Bastard
4. It is great to have at a party
5. It is a great gift for a Good Bastard
6. It is great for the barbie
7. It is great at Weddings
8. It is a ideal for a twenty first party
9. It is perfect for a stag party
10. What better beer for a wake after you have seen off a Good Bastard
11. Great for the tradesmen that do a good job around the house for you
12. What better gift at Christmas for your Clients and Customers
13. Out fishing, no better companion
14. After the game, the reviver
15. THE best beer to quench your thirst
16. At the party
17. After work, the great relaxer
18. Watching footy on the Tele
19. With the mates out on the boat
20. With a big juicy steak

Step Two: Pick the three that you think are the most important to you. (you will enter them later)

Step Three: Add one more that you think is a great way or reason to
enjoy a Good Bastard

Step Four: Fill in the fields below and click submit
 

Win Eight Six Packs Of Good Bastards
Delivered to Your Door By Shop Naked

There are Three Packs to be won
21st OCTOBER
18th NOVEMBER
23rd DECEMBER

If you’re local doesn’t carry Good Bastards or you are Isolated then have your Good Bastards delivered anywhere in New Zealand with Shop Naked.

Paddy
Two Irishmen Paddy and Mick are walking towards one an other in a graveyard with their dogs;

As they pass Mick turns to Paddy and says "Morning"

The Paddy replies "No, just walking the dog...
 

Good Bastards Hall of Fame

Neil and Renata Blanchfield

Neil and Renata run a company called Great Events in Christchurch. They have recently run the World Masters Swimming Champs and are about to start the World Fireman’s Games with firemen from all over the world. There is even one chap coming who was in all three buildings that collapsed at on September 11th 2001.

They recently won the right to host the World Masters Basketball Games.

Neil also was the festival director for the 1995 Golden Oldies World Rugby Festival. Renata also was heavily involved as well.

They ran the Paralymic World swimming Champs 1998.

The world Wheel Chair Games in 1999. They did such a good job they have been given it again in 2003.

Renata was PA to the CEO of the Canterbury Rugby Union for four years, prior to that she worked with Neil running Touch Foot in New Zealand.

So we are very privileged to this degree of talent and support with Neil as the New Zealand President of Good Bastards Rugby Club and hails from Greymouth on the mighty west Coast, one of 11 Good Bastards, and son of Paddy and Ann Blanchfield.

Paddy Blanchfield was the west Coast Member of Parliament for 18 years.

From Steve Flynn’s Irish Archives
Sister Catherine and Sister Helen are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine?

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts: "Get the fuck off the car yer igit"!!

 

Stieny sent in this piece of interest trivia.
He is a great student of words, especially those that have four letters; this one is way outside his comfort zone.

What is the Origin Of ‘Codswallop’?
The story goes that a gentleman by the name of Hiram Codd patented a bottle for fizzy drinks with a marble in the neck, which kept the bottle shut by pressure of the gas until it was pressed inwards. Wallop was a slang term for beer, and Codd's wallop came to be used by beer drinkers as a derogatory term for weak or gassy beer, or for soft drinks.
This theory has appeared in Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, but there are problems with it. Codswallop is not recorded until the mid-20th century, rather a long time after Codd's invention, and there are no examples of the spelling Codd's wallop, which might be expected as an early form. These are not conclusive disproof of the theory - it is conceivable that the term circulated by word of mouth, like many slang terms, and that the connection with Codd's bottle had been forgotten by the time that the term was written down - but they do shed doubt on the tale.

 

Little Paddy
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Paddy puts up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo looks for another student to ask. Finally, when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Paddy?"
"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Paddy, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mummy says, 'That's lovely'. Then Daddy said, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
 

The Harley Rider
This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves. A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parent’s house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word. Finally, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks. By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in his pocket and pulls out the jar of Vaseline.
The father say, "Okay, f*** this. I'll do the bloody dishes"
 

Hippie sent this one for those of a religious inclination
A man's car broke down. He needed to get up the mountain where he could collect some rocks, He decided to go to the local horse ranch, where he could borrow a horse to ride up the mountain to collect the rocks.

The horses were all being used, but he knew the priest owned a horse, so he asked him if he could use it. The priest said, "Yes, but my horse only obeys two commands, "Hallelujah" to stop and "Thank the lord" to go.'

So the man began riding the horse up the hill. All of a sudden a noise startled the horse and it began galloping fast up the mountain. In shock the man forgot how to stop the horse until he was at the very top he called out "Hallelujah". The insane horse stopped centimetres from a sheer drop.

The man cried out in relief, "Thank the Lord!!!"........

 

Ride em Cow Gal
A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Unfortunately, the blonde’s foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again. As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune, the Woolworth's Manager sees her and unplugs the horse.
 

Ken Welch Thought You would Like This
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
 

Footy
Hers one for the Warriors and Kiwi Fans, These guys play great football, they just need to do it for 80 minutes and they will win everything. Like many folk I was disappointed with the last two major games that were in the bag for the entire first 60 minutes of the game. Never mind there is always next year.

Two boys are playing with a rugby ball on the street outside Eden Park, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took a stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Warrior Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
But I'm not a Warriors fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Auckland, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again.
"All Black Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, ..." he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not an All Black fan either!", the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in Auckland was either for Warriors or the All Blacks.
So what team DO you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Roosters and Wallaby fan!", the child beamed.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Little Bastard from Australia Kills Beloved Family Pet."
 

Lindsay and Marie Courtis sent this poser
Subject: Grandma
How old is Grandma?
Stay with this -- the answer is at the end -- it will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born, before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There was no radar, credit cards, laser beams or ballpoint pens.

Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon.

Your Grandfather and I got married first-and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir'- and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir.' We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centres, and group therapy. The Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense governed our lives.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day, "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink,” pot" was something your mother cooked in, and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store, and "software" wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.....

and how old do you think I am ???.....

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

This Woman would be only 58 years old!

 

Peter Bennett From New Plymouth, knows these two women
These two women were seated chatting about the day events. One said to the other hows ya day been, she replied I am totally disgusted; this man walked passed me and said your hair smells beautiful. The other woman said, I think that’s OK, I wouldn’t mind if a man said that to me.
"Yes but he was a midget"

 

Peter O’Connor from Hornby
Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."
 

Somebody said...

Somebody said a mother is an unskilled labourer...
Somebody never gave a squirmy infant a bath.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby...
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said a mother's job consists of wiping noses and changing diapers... Somebody doesn't know that a child is much more than the shell he lives in.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct...
Somebody never took a three-year-old
shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring...
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said teachers, psychologists and paediatricians know more about children than their mothers...
Somebody hasn't invested her heart in
another human being.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out"... Somebody thinks a child is like a bag of plaster of Paris that comes with directions, a mould and a guarantee.

Somebody said being a mother is what you do in your spare time...
Somebody doesn't know that when
you're a mother, you're a mother ALL the time.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices...
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child wind up and hit golf ball through the neighbour’s kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother...
Somebody never helped a fourth grader
with his math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first...
Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books...
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labour and delivery...
Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of
kindergarten.

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back...
Somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married...
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a
mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home...
Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said being a mother is a side dish on the plate of life...
Somebody doesn't know what fills you up.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her...
Somebody isn't a mother.

Little Paddy
Little Paddy and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Paddy goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Paddy, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it Paddy replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Paddy instantly replies,
"Our allowance...Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Paddy has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Paddy won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Paddy, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.
What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Paddy just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Paddy, by the time this 'goes to print' I will be in a drunken stupor in Sydney. I will have been in Bathurst since Friday, looking after a mob of 50 odd on our annual Rock Pilgrimage to Mount Panorama. Hopefully a Holden won. I probably don't have enough money left to get into a 'classy' strip joint up The Cross so you know as well as I do what that means... the $5 admission strippys, next-door to the train station, starring Rhonda Rottenbox, Sharon Gash, and the 1 legged 47-year-old, Hop-along Heather. Christ!!!!! What a weekend... And everyone talks shit when they're pissed, so in anticipation...

THOUGHT: "If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time."

A married man had a sexy young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell her that he had to 'work late' and she said, 'no problem.'

After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He fell into a state of panic. What was he going to tell his wife? He walked in the door and was greeted by his excited and happy dog. Inspired, he fell to the floor and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.
Holding his neck with one hand he walked into the living room and exclaimed, "Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!"
His wife jumped up, ripped open her blouse and said, "That's nothing, look at what he did to my tits!"

ANOTHER THOUGHT: Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

This is very serious, so read it carefully. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the
national system. Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE LEWINSKY Virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did
THE RONALD REAGAN Virus....(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
THE MIKE TYSON Virus....(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY Virus....(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilise around 200mb)
THE JACK KEVORKIAN Virus...(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES Virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER Virus...(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
THE LORENA BOBBITT Virus...(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)

Hic...

Nick

Last word from Paddy

To set the scene here, this story has some relevance:

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ". And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one blonde with big breasts. The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts? Why kill a blonde with big breasts?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart arse? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!

Georges Alter Ego
I was talking to my daughter Tanya about this Iraq thing and George W Bush and his constant sabre rattling. We covered some interesting ground that may or may not have some relevance.
Every time the News comes on the old George is there scaring the living crap out of folk around the world. He constantly says the Saddam who is insane has these weapons and he can prove that, it’s just that he doesn’t want to prove it to us.
What he omits to say is the America also has weapons of mass destruction and they fully intend to use them on the innocent people of Iraq. But then they don’t count do they. The UN hasn’t given him the nod, the Arab Nations are against it as too many countries and certainly the majority of people throughout the world.
Little Johnny Howard, Georges puppet in Australia and Tony Blair who, when George says JUMP, he says which cliff. Are so busy brown nosing it with the yanks on the back of trade deals, nothing to do with war. To such an extent that all objectivity has gone straight down the toilet.
If Sadden has these weapons, then where will he use them?
The consensus is on Israel. Now George has to do what the Jewish folk want. After all they literally own as a private company, the American Monetary system along with control of the majority of prime corporate assets in the USA.
They fund a healthy proportion of all side’s election campaigns
In the mean time George and his boys endorse Israel’s constant persecution of the Palestine people.
Of course the media, who depend so heavily on the support of the American Government, tell us all about the Palestine Suicide Bombers, with out really saying WHY? Or offering any solutions that might work through he problems. No bastard offers solutions.
No one talks to one another. Follow America’s official line on JFK’s assassination and similar activity and then do your own research and you’ll soon see why the media kowtow to the whims of the US government. The Media tell us what the American Government wants us to believe.
Now if Saddam does have a shot at the Jews, he claims it is because of what they are doing to the Palatines.
Instead of George’s program is aimed at wiping out at least twenty times the number of folk killed on September 11 in Iraq in his forthcoming highly televised war games. Wouldn’t it make more sense to level the playing field for old Arafat, fatten up his ability to look after his people against the tyranny and persecution they currently suffer. Which is likely to stop the suicide bombers, make the Jews bring back to heal their weapons of mass destruction and provide a forum for some meaningful dialogue.
Some would say, it’s a vicious circle. Others might say it’s just a circle controlled by the Jews who have said “George ole buddy, get rid of him for us will ya.”
Is Saddam the bad guy he is made out to be? Probably. Is wiping out a 100 000 Iraqis in the name of war the answer! I think not. Maybe they will kill more before they get him. They still haven’t got old Bin Laden and the death tally seems to be very obscure.
After Saddam, then who? We are living in troubling times.
When the jury box is full of foxes the chicken is always guilty.
We are working with a very notable person at the moment and will be publishing a book for her early next year entitled, “Is it time for women to take control” sub-titled, “Lets face it guys the jury’s back and the verdict is you’ve stuffed it up”
It will present some compelling solutions and interesting insight. More on that shortly.

On a lighter note;
Paddy, from The West Coast and Charles, a teacher from Christs College, were seated side by side on an airplane.

Paddy, being friendly and all, said: "So, where are you from?"

Charles said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

Paddy sat quietly for a few moments, then replied:
"So, where are you from, Arsehole?"

 

This weeks wacky site is...
If you can figure out how to play this and win, let me know.
http://nramemberscouncils.com/lifeclock/
 

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