Monday the 11th of March 2002 No.
23
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Bought to you for your drinking pleasure by GOOD BASTARDS BEER If it’s not a Good Bastard, you’re drinking the wrong beer |
Coming to you from the Good Bastards Brewery, Westport New Zealand
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Thought for the day
Just when I was getting use to today
and along came tomorrow.
Bloody Great News
Good Bastards Dark Ale Wins Major
Award
No 1 Best Bottled Dark Ale in
the Asian Pacific Region
Saturday the 9th of March 2002 will be a milestone in the on going history of GOOD BASTARDS BEER. The Beer awards were held in Nelson New Zealand with 61 Brewery’s competing for the gongs. And YES! We won one of them. And it was a big one.
We took out the top award for bottle Dark Ale in the Asian Pacific Region. Basically that means the judges rated our Dark Ale the best there is in New Zealand, Australia and the rest of the Pacific Region.
I received the called from a highly excited Alan Absalom at the Gala Dinner in Nelson just after he accepted the trophy. Nearly bought a tear to me eye.
Hey, we have only been going five minutes, and we take out a top gong. Not only that, with some deals completed recently, we are poised to be available in virtually every town in New Zealand. More about that over the next few weeks.
Ansett Shares
If you bought $1,000 worth of Ansett shares a year ago, they'd be worth $49 today.
If you bought $1,000 worth of beer a year ago, and you traded in the aluminium cans, you'd have $52 !
Is there anything that beer can’t do?
Win Good A Bastards Book
This week, the Sunday News has a competition where you can win one of 25 Good Bastards Books simply by writing a sentence on why you think you are a Good Bastard. Sarah Willis from the Sunday News has organised this excellent promotion.
Now is your chance to win a freebie. So, get your copy of the paper and start writing.
Struth
Mary went to a fortuneteller and after gazing into a crystal ball for some time she advised her. "I’ll be blunt, there is no easy way to say this. This year your husband will die a terribly violent death.
Mary is visibly shaken by the news. She shudders and gives a couple of sobs and then asks: "Will I be acquitted?"
Hokitika Wild Foods Festival
Last Saturday was such a great day for this magic event. 22,000 people fronted! For a town of three thousand that’s quite a challenge. The Legendary Mike Keenan and his team ran the event superbly.
There was a great array of wild foods with the winning stand going to "Live Grass Hopper and Crouching Peanut"
There was a whole range of local and exotic foods to please the most inquisitive palette.
Good Bastards Beer had a well patronised tent on the beach at the back of the Southland.
Meet up with heaps of Good Bastards, including many who made the book Good Bastards possible.
I took a lot of photos and will have some of them up in about 2 weeks when I return to base. There are some great stories that we will cover also.
Brews Blues and BBQ’s
Don’t miss this weekends event in Hagley Park Christchurch. We have a tent there and will have heaps of our Good Bastards Dark and Lager.
Come along and say hi. It is from one to seven on Saturday and Sunday the 16th and 17th of March
Finishing
Hyndsie: My business advisor told me I should finish what I start.
Paddy: And are you?
Hyndsie: Yes, today I finished two packets of potato chips. Two litres of Rocky Road ice-cream. A large bottle of coke and a box of chocolate covered cherries. I feel more organised already.
The Lawyer
A lawyer was walking down the street and saw a car accident. He rushed over and started handing out business cards.
"I saw the whole thing, I’ll take either side."
Kerbs watch
Kerbs use to wear this Mickey Mouse watch. One day I asked him what the time was and he said it is either 5 to 11 or Mickey had a hard on.
Nick and Rodge
Last Thursday I was in at ROCK FM in Auckland doing some business and Nick and Rodge cajoled me into the studio for a chat. Had a great old waffle and covered a few good stories.
You may well hear a lot more about Good Bastards on the ROCK shortly, so stay tuned. We will also have a link direct to their site shortly so you can keep up with what these Good Bastards are up to.
Sad, Very Sad
George a dedicated accountant was having these terrible headaches and no doctor had been able to advise a cure. So he went to this specialist who told him he could fix the problem, but it did come at some personal cost.
The problem is your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine and that is what’s causing the headaches. The only solution is to remove the testicles."
George wrestled with idea, and after weighing up 20 years of headaches, he decided that they would have to go.
After the operation he is walking down the street and for the first time in years he is feeling fantastic. He is feeling so good that he decided to go buy some new clothes. He goes into McBride’s Menswear.
When he asked for a suit, old Charlie says "Mmmmmmm lets see, size 44."
"How did you know that?"
"Been in menswear 60 years." Smile the gentle old Charlie
I think I will get a new Shirt as well."
"Mmmmmmm, size 19 ½, 60 years." He added still smiling. George was amazed.
"What about my shoe size?"
"8 ½ , 60 years you get a lot of practice."
"What about my underpants?"
"Size 36."
"Ah ha, you’re wrong, I’ve been wearing size 34 for years."
"Mmmmmmm 34, well you can’t wear size 34. If you have, they would be pressing your testicles up against your spine and giving you terrible headaches."
 To win you have to submit a Good Bastards story or a story of a "Good Bastard". The winner will be announced at the Southland Hotel Hokitika on Good Bastards Day 2002 Complete your story in a thousand words or less, and submit with the completed entry form (Click Here) Closes 15 October 2002 |
 The Good Bastards Gold Nugget is a rare and famous nugget that West Coast gold miner and all-round Good Bastard, Evan Birchfield found by chance on his gold mine near Ross on the South Island of New Zealand. |
Good Bastards Hall of Fame
Kerry Heveldt
Kerry Heveldt is a Good Bastard. In my opinion one of the most popular blokes on the West Coast. A regular supporter of Good Bastards Day. A great promoter of the Good Bastards Book and a regular buyer of Good Bastards Beer. Says it all really.
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Kerry at Good Bastards Day 2000 |
Kerry has a few business interests; Greenfield Motors in High Street Greymouth. If you are looking for a Jap import, I’m told he is far more competitive than the blokes from over the hill.
If you’re looking for any sort of a vehicle give him a call on.
Also, he has about 80 cars in his New Zealand Rent a Car Franchise; so if you’re looking to hire a car, van or truck, give him a call.
Well known for his generosity and handshake deals, you won’t find a better Good Bastard to deal with.
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| Drunk in charge of a Jandle / thong | These are my BEST teeth! |
The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards
Win the 10 six packs
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The 10 six pack competition for the one that introduces the most new members into the Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards is neck and neck between Steve Bennett and Joe Ellingham with three each. It has the rest of the month to go and anyone half serious about winning the free grog could come from a standing start and take off the prize. So get your mates and pals involved and get your name up into winner’s podium. |
The legend of Arthur’s Pass
Years ago there was a Maori tribe that lived up at Otira and Chief Bloody Rough Creek was the boss cocky. The Chief was just about knackered having spent his life fighting in the Maori wars and playing breakaway for the Really Blacks.
He summonsed his two sons Fat Pigeon and Falling Rocks and said, "Hey guys one of you has to take over here and I’m not sure who. So I have decided to give you a contest. The one who can go out and catch the most possums will become chief.
After three months, Fat Pigeon came back with a hundred skins and there was much celebrations. After months, there was no sign of Falling Rocks.
In due course, Chief Bloody Rough Creek died and as Falling Rocks hadn’t fronted, Fat Pigeon was anointed Chief.
Falling Rocks bride to be pined for year’s waiting for him to return. In deed the whole tribe pined for his return, but alas, he never did.
That’s why, even today as you drive over Arthur’s Pass you can still see signs that say WATCH OUT FOR FALLING ROCKS
Bloody Leo
Leo and Katie were lying in bed asleep when a noise woke up Katie.
"Leo you bastard" get up quick there is someone downstairs.
Leo reluctantly stumbled out of bed and sure enough there is a robber downstairs.
Leo bails him up in the kitchen and says. "Wait there, you have to meet my wife."
"Why is that?" Asked the puzzled burglar.
"She’s been expecting you for 28 years."
Sign The Bastard
The other day an ATM ate my credit card. When the new one arrived I went and made a purchase and signed the docket. The sales clerk said she couldn’t accept the card because it was not signed on the back.
So I signed the card in front of her. She checked my card signature and the one on the docket for my purchase. Amazingly they both matched.
Paddy’s Business Minute
The second essential is to have a marketing plan that details out the methods, frequency and investment required to bring in the revenue necessary for you to achieve your objectives.
In our core business, www.equitylicensing.com we have over 20 different methods on how to keep the business rolling in. In fact, if even only 10 or so methods are implemented, it brings in more business than can physically be carried out. Expansion and growth are easy as the cash flow is there to facilitate such a situation.
YOUR BUSINESS CAN BE THE SAME.
Your Marketing Plan can be as simple or as complex as you want to make it. The key is to have one. Not having a Marketing Plan is about as sensible as driving past the cop shop with your bare bum hanging out the window, while you’re pissed in an unregistered car, and the cop just pulling out the driveway.
The headings in the plan might well be:
What I expect to accomplish from this business.
How I intend to do that.
The list of marketing methods.
The schedule.
The budget.
The cash flow and expenditure flow chart.
It should be set up so that you can monitor each and every aspect every month and alter your planning accordingly to bring your activities in line with your objectives if indeed you need to.
Doing a market plan and not working or monitoring it, is about as sensible as Bin Laden walking around with a dart board stuck to the back of his head.
Next week we will look at some of the methods used to bring in a constant and worthwhile flow of business.
Last word from Paddy
Apparently one in five people in the world is Chinese. I reckon that’s all bullshit. There are five people in our family and none of us are Chinese. Unless of course we all are!
Until next week, you keep smiling and remember while you’re laughing, nothing is bad. So laughter is the answer to all the crook things that happen.
See you back here next week for the next edition
