Come back every Monday for the news according to Good Bastards

Thought for the week
Never underestimate the power of a large group of stupid beings. i.e Lemmings and iridescent greenies

The Most Recent Order of Good Bastards

Capt'n Jack's Mate

We've met some mighty people but one bloke can't be beaten.
I refer of course to our good mate the famous Rodney Eaton.

Well as far as wearing shoes, he couldn't give a darn.
But I'll tell you something boy, can't this bloke spin a yarn.

He's told us that before the war, nine hundred lived at South.
And that people crammed the river from the ferry to the mouth.
They came from far and wide to catch a feed and take a chance.
He told us that they even built a hall to hold a local dance.

He's told us all about the local Flora and Fauna.
And told us where we live was once called Tick Corner.
He's not a bloke who puts up with airs and graces,
but with tales of old; he's always put smiles upon our faces.

He's fixed our cars and mowers with his Engineering skills.
And you know he'd be offended if you asked him for a bill.
He's told us of the fish caught in traps and in the net.
And the only horse is the first favorite when going to have a bet.

He's many times while barbing up caused us to linger.
And we always know he's making a point when he wags his missing finger.

We've met some mighty people but one bloke can't be beaten.
I refer of course to our good mate the famous Rodney Eaton.

Dear Rodney succumb to cancer on Saturday, the fifth of January 2002.

Beers Blues and BBQ's

On February the second at Blenheim in New Zealand they have a beer festival that is the best in New Zealand. Good Bastards Beer will be there along with yours truly giving a hand. I might have a gag for you.

So come along on the 2nd I would love to meet you.

New years resolutions

Well, it's a New Year once again and time to set some New Year's resolutions. Easy enough to do, just revisit last year's that you never did or go through this Good Bastards check list.

1. As far as rules go this bastards a ripper.

An old as hills truism in business is the 80/20 rule. It's simple; we get 80% of the results from 20% of the effort. Or conversely; 20% of the result comes from 80% of the effort. While it varies in different situations, in the main it has proven over time to be a fair assessment.

The smart money takes the time to sort out and analyse which effort produces the results. Getting effective with the use of our time does two great things. You have more time to do the things that really matter and you make more money.

So examine how you can change things so that you are doing more of the 20% things that produces 80% of the production. In other words stop stuffing around wasting time and making excuses about things that don't matter.

2. Put these bastards first and life just became a whole lot easier.

Put your family and friends first. Too many people put their work or their business first then wonder why they have frigged up lives. Workaholicism is a form of insanity. If you are one and you don't believe me !!! Then examine your hourly rate, the harmony in the family and the depth of your friends.

Today is the day you stop the insanity.

3. Do this bastard and you can get wealthy.

Save and invest 10% - 20% of your income. The best advice I have ever received was "To pay myself first" Usually we pay everyone else first. The bank, the grocer, the finance company, etc etc. Then there is nothing left for us. It's all gone and there is nothing for us to build wealth from.

What it means is that you whack 10 to 20 % in the bank and you run your life on 80% - 90% of your income and you will be amazed at how your net worth can grow on the 10% to 20% correctly invested and not spent.

Pay yourself at least 10% of your income and accumulate it until you can invest it. Save, say $1000.00 then go and buy some blue chip shares or some other type of investment that you can make money on.

Grow such investments and then invest in bigger and better things such as property or your own business. No need to tell any bastard what you're doing. They'll just tell you you're mad because they don't do it. They also don't want you to be rich. See no 19 on this list.

4. Love this bastard and every days a good one.

Love what you do.There are so many good jobs and businesses out there why be a complete mug and stuff around with one you don't like if indeed that is the case.

This year make the break, cut the umbilical cord that you call security and become independent. You can never become truly wealthy while you are sucking the back tit of some one else's enterprise.

Remember my favourite definition of Free Enterprise. "The more enterprising you are the freer you are."

5. Conquer this bastard and live a helluva lot longer.

Exercise and eat healthy. Big fat bastards needn't be that way. It comes down to a couple of simple things. They can be found in the word motivation. If you split the word in two you have motive and ation.

Motive, which equates to reason, and ation, which is action. Sum that up and you have reason for action. That is what motivation is all about.

Get a reason to shed the tonnage and the discipline necessary to do so is instantly there.

Hyndsie, Kerbs and myself have a bet each year for a thousand dollars that we will weigh a certain amount on Good Bastards Day.

Now there is no way any one of is going to cop paying out the grand so our motivation embraces the discipline not to have too.

It makes me want to exercise and eat a certain amount of the right food and as a result I'm not the big fat bastard that I would otherwise be.

We all use to be big fat bastards and didn't enjoy that very much.

Smoking, I use to smoke like a train, and then I had an involvement with someone who had Lung Cancer. You want to give up smoking? Just go to the Lung Cancer ward in the hospital and get a glimpse of what you are setting yourself up for. Don't say you can't knock them off. You're better than that. Just remember every smoke you light is attempted murder, problem is you are the victim. One day you might just complete the job. What a waste of a Good Bastard. Don't do it, we want you around for a long time yet.

Just pick up the half finished packet of smokes and heave the bastards as far into the scrub as you can. You either throw the smokes away or you throw your life away. The choice is yours.

6. Don't be a miserable bastard.

Take time to have fun. This comes to me naturally. I've been doing it all my life. I don't know how not to have fun.

It really piss's me off to see Good Bastards miserable.

You should know that it is a self-chosen state to be in.

My problem is that I just haven't got enough time to do all the fun things that I could and want to do.

"It's all right for you, ya bastard." I can hear the 'odd' one or two of you saying. "You're lucky"

Lucky my arse. I've had as much bad luck as the next person, as subsequent books will outline.

It's how I handled that bad luck that separates me from the poor unfortunate bastards that weigh their lives down with unnecessary mental baggage.

7. Fire annoying clients or annoying bosses.

Fire annoying clients and/or bosses .If you are in business the simple reality is you will go broke and be miserable if you try and cater for annoying bastards.

There are those people out there that have as their life's ambition to make every other bastards life miserable.

You need them like you need an extra hole in your arse.

The old myth that the customer is always right is pure bullshit. There is a very high percentage that are a breeze to deal with, like about 99%, and a very small percentage that are intent on complaining for reasons from their own useless self importance to ripping you off.

Fire the bastards, just as you should fire the annoying boss, when I worked for others I never had a bad boss for more than a day.

I could put up with a crap job but I couldn't put up with a crappy boss.

Get him or her out of your life. You can never be happy if you have such an arsehole present. One arsehole is plenty for anyone I always reckon. And you can never be successful if you're unhappy.

One of the great joys in life is telling a useless boss to stick his/her job up their arse along with as many other home truths you can lay your tongue too, and then walking out. Generally to the cheers of everyone else.

8. Don't be a greedy bastard.

Share your prosperity, you can't take it with you and if you use that grey matter at the back of your nose and up a bit, (alternatively; can be found in some people at the back of their wrinkle) you should be making more moolah than you really need. Greedy bastards are unhappy bastards and they tend to make everyone they deal with unhappy in some way as well.

The trick is not to become one of them. Better still keep out of the predatorish bastards ways.

Help out those in need of a hand; experience the sheer joy of giving without expectation of return.

I've met a few absolutely useless bastards that disagree with this. Quite amusing really, either they have never given with out expectation of return or say they helped so and so out and they never got so much as a thank you. You don't have that problem if you are not expecting a thank you.

9. Weigh the bloody scales with the right tilt.

Focus on value creation. What ever you do, whether it is as a job, career or business, focus on creating value.

If there is no value there is no future. Weigh the scales with more value than what you have to or your competitors do. If you're in business you will prosper. If you're in a job you will soon climb to the top. The day of the union where they wanted 10 pounds of pie from the owners 5 pounds of ingredients have gone. Such bullshit has left a legacy that has contributed more than any other thing to the high cost of living and the slavery of supporting an unreasonable social welfare system. It will take years to get back in balance and a few ballsy politicians rather than the plasticine variety that dominate party politics.

We do need to have a social conscience, we don't need to a system that encourages people not to work. Like the animals they don't want you to feed in the national park in fear that they will develop a hand out mentality, some humans catch this and are encouraged to do so. You don't have to look to far to find them.

How much value do you create in what you do?

Or do you just do the same thing week in and week out without even giving it a thought. If so you're the weakest link. GOOD BYE.

10. Without a blue print we can't build the bastard.

Yogi Bear once said, "If you don't know where you are going, you might finish up some place else."

He was onto it, no doubt about that. Create a crystal clear vision of what you want to be have and do.

It's more than just having a goal.

You need to have a life plan, a blue print that includes all the things you want to have and do and the person you want to be along with what you intend to give and do to achieve it. Frig all happens automatically in this world.

This is not rocket science, it is the blinding obvious and yet only one out of twenty people have a crystal clear vision of exactly what they want to accomplishment along with when and how.

Are you in the 5% group or the 95% one? You don't have to be Einstein or Al Kelly to figure out which group lead the better lives.

11. Do you thank or blame the bastard in the mirror.

Are you as good as you could be? I think not. No one is. We can all be better. And better equates to an easier more beneficial life for you and yours.

The simple reality is that those who don't endeavour to be better; deteriorate.

They quietly slip backwards as useful human beings. They become more bigoted and cynical about all things. They often think they know more, but in fact they know less because they don't have balance in their attitudes.

They often loose the respect of their family and friends and live out their days in a sad solace of misery. Needn't be that way.

If you feel that you might have such a syndrome creeping in to your life, do something about it.

The longer you leave it, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to change.

There are thousands of books written, many by people who know what they are writing about and can provide the answers to your problem, what ever it is. Email me if you want a list.

12. Put a bit of the "Good Oil" into your life.

Lets face it; there are some ungrateful bastards out there. We all meet them one way or another in our dealings. The bottom line is they aren't going away.

It's how we deal with them that make them a problem or not.

The real thing though is to catch yourself several times a day showing appreciation to others.

Don't worry about other bastards being ungrateful, how good are you at it?

You will be amazed at how life will go that much easier for you when you show sincere appreciation. Also how many doors will open for you that you never knew were there.

It is the oil that makes life with others go smoothly

13. Learn to H.A.L.T.

Never make an important decision when you are Hungry, Angry, Tired or Lonely.

Invariably it is the wrong one. Depending on how important it is, the fact that you made an irrational decision can affect your life badly, sometimes in irreparable ways.

When I was a workaholic I made many decisions without observation of the H.A.L.T. formula. They were the most expensive decisions I made.

So resolve to practice the H.A.L.T process from hereon in.

14. Don't sit on your hands.

Thomas Edison said. "There is a better way lets find it." As a result he found the answer to many problems that we now take for granted. Such things as; the electric light and the movie and dozens of other inventions.

This year don't be complacent, get active and make some good things happen. It only takes a plan and some determination and then getting your finger out of your arse and doing it.

15. You poor useless bastard.

Surely you are not one of those whinging bastards that carry baggage about a few missed passes.

Bad things do happen to good people and some people do have more bad luck than others.

The difference between the winners and the losers is how they deal with such adversities.

Napoleon Hill wrote, "Every adversity carry's with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit"

Only those who seek to find such benefits tend to find them.

Get on with life even if you do have a dent in the mudguard. One way or another it will get fixed. Don't worry about it.

16. You have to expect to hit the bullseye.

Set high expectations. Low expectations produce low results. The world is full of people who wanted a better result but never expected to get one.

If this is you, then now is the time to set the bar a bit higher.

You tend to get what you expect, good or bad.

"What you expect out of life speaks so loudly you never have to say a word."

17. Risk and success are inseparable.

Try a few things you are afraid of. The real four letter 'F' word is FEAR.

If as babies we never had another go when we fell over and confronted the fear and pain of falling, we would never have learnt to walk.

Is there anything mare daunting than falling to a baby? What's holding you back isn't so daunting.

Somewhere many people loose that courage and stop venturing forth. Content instead to put up without and not confronting the exciting challenge of growing by doing the things that spell risk and fear.

Such folk can never be leaders. They make bad managers, shocking business people and usually lousy followers. They are the glue of business that never sets. Just slows everything and everyone down.

Doesn't leave them much to offer the world. They are scared stiff of what other people think, who in turn are scared stiff of what they think. Does it really matter!!!

Worrying about what others think is simply giving them control of your mind. The stupid thing is that others worth a pinch of salt neither know nor want that.

18. The difference between the haves and the have nots.

Learn the difference between earning money and making money and you have your economic future in the palm of your hands. If you haven't already learnt the simple truth about to be espoused here, then you are about to be exposed to one the greatest money making secrets known to mankind.

You either make money or you earn it.

When you are out there being paid for what you do, you are earning it.

When you invest money and it works for you, you are making money. It's a very subtle difference that most never grasp its true significance and as a result work their entire lives hopeful they will be all right when they retire.

The smart money invests and builds a fortune.

To get that money they may take a second job or mow lawns on Saturday or buy and old car and do it up or just practice the idea mentioned in number three. There are tens of thousands of ways of doing it.

What ever it is, such folk usually start with nothing and slowly build their capital base and yes they do have to earn the money in the first instance. But they think it through, they do make mistakes and they see those mistakes as learning experiences, not reasons why they shouldn't take future risks.

They all have one thing in common, its what they do with the difference it cost to survive and what they receive each week.

19. Don't be a tall poppy harvester.

Tall poppy harvesters make up about 95% of the population. They are so busy cutting down those that are having a go, that they never have a go themselves. You can hear them at work in smoko rooms, afternoon and morning tea breaks, in the pub, at the club, parties, in the bus, on the phone, practically anywhere.

I know a heap of them. I just let them get on with their job and I get on with mine.

20. Learn to be flexible.

Flexibility in your dealings is probably the most important thing in getting to where you want to go with ease and without stress.

Inflexible people are mountain climbers. They climb mountains every day from morning til night. Mountains they build and continue to build their entire lives. Most of these mountains they build are unconquerable and they always, but always, blame someone else for them.

You can pick them out in any crowd. They are the ones with the worried looks on their faces.

Well there are twenty ideas designed to provoke your thinking and help you set some new years resolutions that can change your life for the better forever.

P.S. Give these a go and if any work please give me a call and I'll try them myself.

Good Bastards in touch

Over the last couple of months it has been really fantastic to hear from a lot of Good Bastards, some from the fast distant past and others I haven't yet had the pleasure of meeting. Thanks to all who drop me a line. If I haven't replied to some of the more recent ones I will shortly. Many thanks to you all.

Warwick Baird, Stacy Gibb, John Mumford, Jason York, Clive Bissell, Peter McCormack, Ted and Myra Gibb, Ces Turtin, Leonie Nathan, Gil Peters, Lynn and Wa,l Glen Ferguson, Tony Smail, Kevin Ford, Des Zien, Neville McEntee, Mike Daly, Greg Billings, Joe Ellingham, Rita Hartney, John Nevin, Mike Keenan, Barbara Condon, Shirley Smyth, Marjorie Mackenzie, David Holiday, Murray Deaker, Greg Billings, Ross and Judy, Nicol Kurt and Louise.

Lotto Wins

Bolts, a mate of mine from way back talked me into joining up with this lotto thing that I invested twelve bucks a week in. It took him about a year to do so and I finally relented.

While I was away I have had two collects, not big ones, but collects just the same. They are not the first; I seem to get about one a month sometimes more.

You see this thing narrows the odds by about 50 times by playing all the numbers with a few others, then splitting the cost over a small group.

In the syndicate you play three Australian lotto's, Gold Lotto on Saturday night, OZ Lotto on Tuesday night and Power Ball on Thursday night for an out lay of $12 50 every week and you are guaranteed the supplementary number and the power ball number because of the ingenious way it is structured.

That's about 6 bucks American or 4 pounds in the UK or 15 bucks kiwi.

Its cost about $100.00 Oz to get it going for which you get a whole lot of interesting stuff plus two months advance payments.

Introduce 5 others and you play for free each week, not that is a necessity.

My mate Bert won $70 000.00 last year and this year its my turn, who knows could be yours. His story is on the site there somewhere.

Click here to have a look at it and choose the animated version. It tells the story far better than the other.

Little Paddy

Little Paddy from South Westland went into a pub in town and asked the barmaid for a packet of cigarettes and a dozen of beer.

"Do you want to get me into trouble?" she replied.

"Leave the sex out of it, just get me the booze and the fags will ya."

New Name

Competitions. Win Some Good Bastards Beer and three lots of $250 bucks

The Good Bastards Hall of Fame

Win fifty bucks

Send it in, we are always on the lookout for a good laugh. If we think its any good we will post it on the site. Fifty bucks for the best one received before 28th of Feb 2002 Send it to fiftybuckgag@goodbastards.com

Kumara Races

Last Saturday was Pat and Linda Condons wedding anniversary along with Paddys and Saint Pam, (at differnet years.) It is also the date of the Kumara races on the West Coast. One of the more famous and important race meeting in New Zealand if not the world.

If you haven't been, its not too late to start planning for next year. we will keep you posted as to when its on.

It should be on all Good Bastards schedules of "must attend."

Here Paul Madgewick captured Ginger Conners ( I never knew his real name was Tony, maybe it isn't!) and his mate Ian with the main Trophy.

Good on you Ginge, it's the best I have seen you looking. We want the Good Bastards Beer there next year.

Last word from Paddy

Here is a sign I saw in a Kerry shop in Ireland. "No dissatisfied customer will be allowed to leave this shop."

Don't forget there are three types of people in this world. Those that can count and those that can't.

Well, that's all for the week, if you want to check out previous good bastards news go to the archives button on this page.

Cheers
Paddy

See you next week