Coming to you from Lisdoonvarna in County Clare, Ireland
In a slightly hung over state.
Come back every Monday for the news according to Good Bastards
Tuesday the first of January 2002 No. 13
Thought for the week
The day of the big wind is no day to do the thatching.
Happy New Year to yoall
The last ten days or so Ireland have been fantastic for us and we are currently in a little town of around a thousand people, one thousand and three at the moment.
We have met up with an old acquaintance Andy Guthrie who is a world Champion Barbequer. Won the title in the fish section a couple of times I think. He and his team are also the Irish National Champions.
Andy has been a great help around the area filling us in with a lot of information about Ireland as well as the area.
He and his brother John and his wife Mary and another Good Bastard called John from Lahinch tried to drown me in Guinness and Pam and Tanya in Gin.
If the Gaudia, police, hadn't arrived at around 3.30 am we would probably be still there and they well have succeeded in their quest.
Did you know the more of that Guinness you drink the better it gets. And as Andy's brother John firmly believes you might as well be drunk as the way you are.
Did you know there were bears in Ireland?
The operative word is were. Andy took us up to Ailwee Cave. It is one of Irelands Premiere Tourist attractions.
It seems this bloke found the cave about 1941 when he lost his dog.
The owners have spent serious money making it a very enjoyable tour that takes around a half an hour.
All sorts of stalactites and other bloody mites hanging down along with bear remains and all sorts of other stuff you can go and find out about yourself.
Lisdoonvarna
Did you ever see the movie The Match Maker? Well that is what this place is famous for.
They have a Match Makers festival there every year. If you can't get teamed up with a mate that's where you go.
I had an email from a Good Bastard wanting to know if they took trade ins.
I don't know, and I'm not sure if he is the trade in or his good lady. At this point they shall remain anonymous.
If your travelling through Ireland stop off here and stay at "Good Bastard" Andy Guthrie's place called Banner County Lodge.
The phone and fax is 065 7074340.
And don't forget to tell him Paddy sent you.
A very different Christmas Day
We left Dublin Christmas Morning in our little Fiat Punta rental car. Did you know they still make the Fiat? Well they do and we had a brand new one to prove it.
We headed up through Kilkenny which you would have thought a nuclear bomb had hit. Absolutely no sign of any bastard. Not even kids playing on the street with their toys.
MacDonald's wasn't even open.
No Christmas dinner in this town.
We went on to Waterford. That's the crystal you use to break when you were at your relations place when you were a kid.
It was another town that seemed to be hit by a Nuclear Bomb.
No Christmas dinner here or accommodation. We did find a service station open and bought some stale bread and ham and cheese. Geez that's good stuff when you're hungry.
Next Christmas Day stop was Wexford.
A bit more life here and after a few calls we tracked down a flash place called the Ferry Carrig Hotel.
They had first class accommodation and Christmas night dinner. They even had a bottle of Baileys in a box and box of expensive Chocolates as a Chrissie Present in our Room.
The Hotel is fairly new and our room had a great view over the estuary.
Al Kelly
A very interesting man sat at our table with his family called Al Kelly. Now here was an interesting man if ever you could meet one.
He had written a book about how to make your work easier and less stressful. It is a best seller and has been published in three languages. It sold over 150 000 copies.
We swapped books and Al told me next day that we have been travelling on two very different paths.
Al, who is retired now, is an Engineer and had risen to the role of director in the Irish Power Authority and was chairman of the their international operations.
While that is all very impressive, it is not as impressive as two papers he has written for the Engineers Society.
One absolutely proves Einstein's theory of Relativity is wrong and the other blows large holes in the big bang theory.
Let me tell you, you can't have a lazy brain when you are talking to Al.
The evening and breakfast next morning proved very enlightening to say the least.
The poor man might have died
No, not Al Kelly. Another man at the table next to us had, we think, a heart attack. Luckily there was a doctor in the room and he got underway with the Cardiac Massage to try and bring him around. We all quietly left; the poor man did not look in good nick when we left. We hope he made it through.
Lotto on your mobile
While there we also met a man called Donald, I think that was his name. At that stage I had wiped out a bit of the worlds supply of Murphy's, which by the way I prefer to the immortal Guinness.
Anyway, Donald is in the texting business for mobile phones and he was telling me they are about to introduce a service that you can put your lotto on via your mobile.
There is also a service coming up where you can dial up and watch a movie on your mobile phone. Who would have thought of that. Maybe Al Kelly, although he never mentioned it.
Bullshitters Castle
A couple of days later, after having explored allsorts of interesting stuff we finished up in Cork.
While we thought the other towns had been hit by bombs, we now believe that they had just buggered off to Cork. The place was a traffic jam from start to finish, so needless to say we got the hell out of there.
Before we left we headed over to Blarney Castle and kissed the Blarney stone. Got the T Shirt to prove it.
What a fascinating place, steeped in legend and history and magnificent grounds with all sorts of spooky stuff to explore.
Last Word from Paddy
If travel broadens the mind then I should finish up like Einstein by the end of this trip.
Cheers
Paddy and Pam
See you next week
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Capt'n Jack
Last Update 03 January 2002