Come back every Monday for the news according to Good Bastards

Thought for the week
If you don't get what you want, think of all the things you don't get that you don't want.

New Orleans

How yo all! That's seems to be the greeting from New Orleans. They have this street there called Bourbon Street, about six blocks of it they block off at 6 pm and until 4am it is one great piss up. It is in what they call the Latin Quarter, which is about a kilometer square.

In that kilometer they have over 1200 licensed bars and restaurants. They take their drinking serious down in New Orleans.

Bourbon Street is like New Years eve every night, as one guy said bands, booze and broads. And of course blokes.

It is a magic place steeped in history. We went on a steam boat paddle steamer ride which was full of atmosphere, steaming down the river it wasn't hard to conjure up visions of Huck Finn and his mates catching Catfish.

We never got to try the catfish although tried everything else. Great restaurant there called Oliver's. Been around for 5 generations and has the best Creole food you could ever want.

The doorman was a man called Roosevelt and he could easily pass for George Gregans Father. I have a photo to prove it.

The main drink is a Hurricane and it has 5 different types of rum in it plus other stuff. The dearer they are the less rum they put in.

The city is 15 feet below sea level and so they bury everyone above the ground in these little huts that look like dunnies.

We went on this swamp tour up in the By-oou. We were supposed to see alligators and all sorts of stuff. The guide reckoned he saw one, so I suppose that was something.

Despite that it was a thoroughly worthwhile experience. The guide was a real bull shit artist so I related quite well to him. He kept everyone laughing.

New York New York

For those that didn't know, its actually two places. The security at the airports is major. Bags checked twice, feel searched, which she did quite well. Takes an hour extra to board.

We are staying in a hotel on Broadway, which is about ten miles long. it is shop after shop, all under these almighty high rises.

Then down in the middle there is all these theaters with shows covering everything you could ever imagine. About seventy or eighty of them.

Central Park

This is an interesting place. It is about five farms in the middle of town of quite arable land. It has a good central race system although the paddock subdivision needs a bit of work.

It is growing good grass and it is winter so you wouldn't have to feed out.

There are a number of duck shooting ponds with plenty of ducks and mai mai's.

They even have a duck here called the "Wood Duck" I thought a wood duck was someone from away who came to the Gold Coast In Queensland Australia and bought real estate.

This group of women came along puffing their guts out and all talking at once. One poor little black gal down the back of the group was the only one not talking. So I suppose she was the official listener.

The squirrels were all fighting over the acorns and people were everywhere walking their dogs. There is nothing like the rich acidic smell of fresh dog shit to get you going is there Paul!

The atmosphere of Ground Zero is everywhere. They are shifting all the debris to the wharf and ferrying it away. The heat was so intense that they are still uncovering iron that is red hot.

They pulled four victims bodies out on Friday and two yesterday. The folk here have a mix of sadness and determination, they are getting on with their lives despite such a massive tragedy.

Seeing it on TV was one thing, being here and feeling the place has an impact that you can't really explain. It is a humbling experience.

Dialects

It is hard to decide if some of these folk can't understand me or is it that I can't understand them?

Many speak like George Bush and can be easily understood, then there is those that puda. fudstop. udder. e .wud.

Then there are those who are trainee auctioneers whodpudullderewudstagedder and say them so fast no bastard can understand.

Then there is those that slur all their words as though they are pissed although I don't think they are.

Then there are those that drawl, they are ok, at least you can understand them.

Go into a fast food joint and whatever you order you won't get. They should be called Mystery Fast Food Joints.

The old saying of Service, Fast, Cheap, you can have any two, doesn't apply here. You can only have one.

It's Sunday here and this afternoon we are off to McSouleys Bar to meet up with a Good Bastard.

There is another bar called Paddy Maguire's. Paddy Maguire is a character in a book I have nearly finished. He is a Larrikin who has many adventures travelling around the Australian Outback.

Tomorrow we are going up the Empire State Building.

The shopping here is very cheap but our bags are already full.

Tomorrow night we leave for France to meet up with our daughter Tanya.

We sure are looking forward to that. We haven't seen her since July.

Klever Kiwi

Kiwi was sitting with an Australian and an Indian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden, Saudi police entered and arrested them.

They were initially sentenced to death, but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

So the Indian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tieing a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

The Australian, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back."
But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.

Before The Kiwi could say something, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"As you are from a popular country, and your rugby team are terrific, and your women beautiful, you can have two wishes!"

"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The Kiwi replies.
"My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes."

"If you so desire", the Sheik replies, a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"

"Tie the Aussie to my back", the Kiwi answers.

Last word from Paddy

The Americans said they wanted bin laden by Tuesday. The Taliban said no, they don't put their bins out until Thursday.

Cheers
Paddy and Pam

Next week the Good Bastards News will be coming from London

See you next week