next edition will be coming from the Big Apple, the city that never sleeps.

Come back every Monday for the news according to Good Bastards

Fairly informal sort of a news posting this week due to the limited and expensive facilities.

The big trip has just begun and already much as been gathered for future books, the Good Bastards Bar and Grill, along with an incredible amount of ideas to enhance and develop the world of Good Bastards.

Departure

At Sydney, when I put through a backpack that I was taking on the plane, the X-Ray machine picked up an old table knife on the bottom of the pack that had been there from a hike Pam and I did some time ago. Of course they confiscated it, nothing wrong with that. They can't have people running around with table knifes in this day and age of terrorism.

What had me pondering, was why did they give everyone on the plane the same style of knife twice when they dished up the meals!

Perhaps we had proved we were all ok, so that was a relief.

Arrival

Arriving in L.A. we had awhile to wait before flying onto here. Around the airport are a number of army guys in full regalia carrying AK47's scaring the shit out of all the kids and half the adults just by their being there.

ATTENTION VISITORS:
YOU ARE NOT REQUIRE TO PAY SOLICITORS.
THIS AIRPORT DOES NOT SPONSER THEIR ACTIVITIES.

Well neither does this little black duck.

Las Vegas

The Television has some interesting ads here in Vegas. One went a bit like this.
"Can you trust your teenage daughter? Find out, ring this number and arrange for a lie detector test."

I immediately thought The Good Bastards could run an ad that went something like this.
"Do you have stupid parents!!!!! If so, find out, ring this number and we will put them through the stupid bloody parents test."

There are many other ads from various firms of Solicitors saying that they can fix up all your bills for the next ten years. You never have to pay any of them. Just go bankrupt. They'll jack it all up for you.

Been meeting a few Good Bastards here like James E Jones, a tall handsome black man who sat next to us when we had lunch on Friday. Sells phones and Friday afternoon was not that inviting for him.

Also met two folk that work for Staar Surgical, Desiree Leipham and Gabor Aldassy, they supply the eye industry. They were telling Pam and I about this new thing called Contact Implants that they reckon you can have done in Australia as well.

You might want to check it out if you're having trouble with your goggles.

We went to the Sahara Casino and took in a show called the Rat Pack is Back. Four Guys did a brilliant job of impersonating Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Frank Sinatra and a funny bloke called Joey some bastard.

On the way into the Casino this bloody roller coaster pops out of the wall doing a hundred and screams alongside you on the footpath then disappears into the sidewalk only to reappear a bit further down to do a tight loop and disappear again.

I suggested to Saint Pam that we should have a go at it, she thought not.

After the show, went into this other bar that had a fantastic group call SMOOTH from Chicago. Three fantastic black guys who could sing as good as Shamus Curren [see the seventh bastard in the Good Bastard book]

I reckon we will see them down in Aus and NZ next year.

Meet one of the blokes from the band called Pierre and his good Lady Valerie. Shared some good laughs and finished up thoroughly pissed.

Went out and tried to win a Dodge Viper for Darryl our son. Sorry Daz, we musta pushed the wrong button. Free grog while you are playing which is always a good incentive.

There are acres upon acres of poker machines and the folk are shovelling the money in like there was no tomorrow. No bugger seems to be winning much. Surprize surprize.

The best Casino that we have seen is the Venetian, has canals going through and is all done out like an Italian City, absolutely amazing. There are dozens of amazing things in the different ones.

It really is an inspiration to be wealthy.

The one we are in, The Flamingo Hilton, is one of the largest hotels in the world with over 3800 rooms.

The bloody Limo's here are so long, they have a sag in the middle.

Grand Canyon

The highlight of the trip was going to the Grand Canyon. Can't explain it. How can you explain a feeling of sheer awe. Just make sure you get to see it.

The bus trip up there was US$240 a head. Multiply that by two and you have around a grand Australian.

So we decided to hire a car and do it that way. It is 250 miles up there.

We hired a new Chevy Impala from Alamo rentals for US$24.00 for the day plus US$26.00 insurance.

That was the easy bit. Driving the bastard on the wrong side of the road was the hard bit.

Wasn't long before Saint Pam is screaming and I'm crapping as we off down a busy street the wrong way. Pam shut her eyes for the next hundred miles and reckoned the side walk roller coaster was a far better bet.

Cappuccino's in Polystyrene

Paul Teen, you will be pleased to know they seem to all serve Cappuccino's in Polystyrene cups.

Paul will know what that's all about. The rest of you will have to wait for a future book.

Going Forward

Well that's the first three days. Off to New Orleans tomorrow, Monday. Then onto to New York on Thursday. So the next edition will be coming from the Big Apple, the city that never sleeps.

Saint Pam reckons I would wake any bastard up, so folk won't have a problem with me there.

Home Front

On the home front, the book is selling exceptionally well and the Brewery is working seven days a week, 10 hours a day and all the Good Bastards Beer we can produce between now and Christmas is sold.

The last word from Paddy

Till next week, stay outta trouble and spare a thought for all this misery over here.
Cheers
Paddy and Pam

See you next week