My birthday is on the 10th of July (What other notable thing happened on that date?) Anyway I was sitting at our big table out on the back veranda overlooking the pool, a great place to work. It was the 3rd of July this year and our daughter Tanya was leaving to go on a bit of a jaunt around the world for about 8 months.

She came up to the table with a parcel and said. "Here is your birthday present dad."

I opened it up and it was a book on England and Ireland, a sort of travel dialogue. I opened it and here was a travel voucher for $4 000.00 for Saint Pam and I to go and explore our dreams.

To say we were a bit overwhelmed would be an understatement. It was a highly emotional moment. Now is that a good bastard story or what?

Tanya has been exploring her way through Europe having visited Rome, the Greek Islands, Turkey, Hungary, Croatia and many more wonderful places.

We look forward to her regular phone calls, emails and post cards.

Saint Pam reckoned the plan would be to go on the trip while Tanya was over there. So that is what we are doing. Leaving this Thursday the 29th of November.

Heading firstly for Las Vegas, Pam is terrified that I will get on the Roulette and do all our ready and be back here before the weekend is over.

She needn't worry I will win. So next week The News will be coming from the Flamingo Casino on the strip in down town Las Vegas.

Each week you will get a posting from somewhere different and a brief description of the strife that I may well find my self or otherwise in.

P.S. All my mates are saying, "Tell Tanya to talk to my kids, will ya."

The next six weeks will be just fantastic and a great source of material for new stories.

It went well in one of the nicest venues on the Gold Coast. Palms Springs is a new building built with old world charm and has this magnificent view over the golf course.

Bill Smith introduced Paddy to a warm crowd of friends and business associates. A number of prizes were handed out including a few rare bottles of the Good Bastards Beer in the green bottles.

Someone earlier offered unsuccessfully a $100 for one of the treasures; it wasn't enough to prize it away from its possessive owner.

Like the New Zealand launch, many story's other than those in the book about Paddy's past escapades were offered as material for another book.

"They just think it was me, did I really do that?" Was Paddy's reply.
Health

If you look in the mirror and see a beer belly, bald head big red capillary strewn red nose, blood shot eyes, bags hanging down on your cheeks like a chooks crop and a complexion like leather the good news is that your eye sight is ok.

Paddy O'Brien the great coach was told by a player in the super 12's that he stunk. Paddy took him back another ten and said. "How do I smell from here."

Can ya pass ya Bastard?

He wasn't the highest card in the pack, which was evident when the coach asked at training if he could pass a ball.
"Well if I swallow it, I can pass it."

Our official club is about to get away in the New Year. You have heard of the most ancient order of this and that! Well we are a more modern organisation and at a Secret Good Bastards Meeting we decided to call ourselves The Most Recent Order Of Good Bastards.

There will be a number of benefits in belonging, apart from these many advantages there will also be a "Mates Rates Card" where other members will offer discounts or benefits to members.

So if you want to get some more business from Good Bastards, tell us what you do and what you can offer.

There will be a member's area in our site that can only be accessed by paid up members.

More on this in the near future, in the meantime if you would like to register your expression of interest in becoming a founding member of the movement click below and let us know.

There will be a modest charge of $25.00 per year.

Expressions of interest can be registered on membership@goodbastards.com

Those who want to be providers in the "Mates Rates" card and do business with other Good Bastards click and advise accordingly. matesratesprovider@goodbastards.com

My mate Paul recons he should be called prince snoz and that if he fell off a cliff he would glide to the bottom. He can be so unkind that bloody Paul. Anyway Prince Charley was at the Oodnadatta Flower show on his last visit here. He was looking so resplendent in his navel uniform and he gave a really good under whelming address about how jolly good everyone was.

One of the astute reporters noticed he was wearing a fox hat with a tail hanging down his back. He was curious and asked, "Er ah scuse me mate ah ya royal highney, now the uniform looks bloody bonzer but ah, what's the drum on the fur hat?"

"Oh thart." Parlayed the Prince. "I was tawking to mummy before I left the old buck house and when I told her I was opening the flower show at Oodnadatta, she said wear the fox hat."

Spare a though for those poor buggers, caught up in the bin laden Talaban bullshit that has nothing to do with your average council worker over there, yet they are the real ones copping the hiding. Hunted out of house and home, no tucker, forced to leave in ten's of thousands into a life where no one wants them or give them much help.

Anyway this bloke went into a shop over there to buy some vegetables only to be told.
"This is a bread shop with no bread, the shop with no vegetables is around the corner."

He was a whimsical masturbator with an off beat sense of humour and one day he was jogging along and picked up a brand new tennis ball and having no where to put it, he put it down his shorts.

Another jogger caught him up and asked what the bulge was.

"Tennis ball" he puffed.

"Geez you poor bastard, I had tennis elbow once and that was bad enough."

They were on a bus tour when the driver announced they were passing the biggest pub in Ireland.

It was one of the Condon's from down south that had this bull he was grooming for the show and was confident of winning a blue ribbon.

On the morning of the big judge he found that the bull had gone cockeyed so he made a panic call to the vet.

Vince the Vet duly arrived, picked up a length of plastic hose from the floor, stuck it up the bulls bum and blew hard.

Bingo, the bull's eyes popped back into shape. That day the bull got through to the finals to held the next day.

Bugger me if the next morning the bloody eyes were crossed again, so the farmer did exactly what the vet had done. He blew and blew, in fact he blew so hard his arsehole was popping in out like a loose tappet.

Nothing happened, the finals for the blue ribbon was on this day so on the phone to Vince the Vet who calmly arrived a short while later.

"Show me what you did." He asked.

"I did it like this." Was the reply as he shoved the hose up the bull's bum and blew his ring out once more. Nothing happened.

Vince the Vet pulled the hose out turned it around and calmly stuck the other end back into the bull's bum and blew hard.

Lo and behold the eyes popped back into place.

"So I had it in the wrong end then."
"No." said Vince the Vet. "Makes no difference."

"Then why did you turn it around then?"

"You didn't think I would put the same end in my mouth that you've had in yours do you?"

Clever Kelvin was passing a church with his mate and saw a sign that said JESUS LIVES. So he turned to his mate and said, "That's a real bastard, they will cancel the Easter holidays now."

In a factory on Melbourne there was a sign that said. Any Greek that wants to take the day off to attend the funeral of a relative must advise management the day before the game.

Bessie was on the big bus tour through Kakadu and the bus pulled up and the driver said come and have a look at the aboriginal carving. Everyone went except Bessie.

The drive turned to her and encouraged her to go look.

"Nah, I live on a farm and I've seen plenty of cows calving and I don't spect aboriginals be much different." [nice one Bessie, you useless bitch]

Dear Diary. This is the first day of my cruise.

Day two. While the cruise is nice and an awful lot of men including the stewards are making passes at me.

Day three. I have been invited to sit at the Captains table.

Day four. The Captain made an improper suggestion to me and I refused.

Day five. The Captain again made improper suggestions to me.

Day six. The Captain said if I don't agree, he would sink the ship.

Day seven. Last night I saved the lives of 2 845 people.

Well some bastard seems to like the site with it topping a hundred hits a week and getting to a 1000 hits in its seventh week of operation.

While that won't break any records it sure is heartening for a site purely aimed at promoting fun and humour to gather so much support.

Thanks to every one who visits the site, especially those that return each week to catch the news.

He had a wooden leg, a patch over one eye and a hook on the end of his arm where his hand used to be.

"You've been in the wars matey?" said one of the crew.

"Aye, a shark bit off me leg, a canon shot me hand clean off and a seagull shit in me eye."

"I can understand the shark and the Canon, but how can a seagull shit make you loose an eye?"

"It was the day after I got the hook and I wasn't use to it."

Pardon me miss, I'm writing the phone book may I have your number?