Monday 12th of November 2001
Updated weekly
Thought for the week
Confucius say; Man in shower playing with tool not necessarily plumber.
Coming this week from Hokitika New Zealand
Last Week's News
Sorry about last weeks news not getting posted. I thought I had sent it to Capt'n Jack, but somewhere between here there and thither it was lost. Doesn't matter, we are here now and all things being equal you will find it under the archives button on this page.
Good Bastards Day 2001
Well, she was a bee-uaty. Our best yet. Starting off with the Book Launch on the Monday night where we had a packed room of over 250 invited people, we sampled the beer, all 50 dozen that was available and had a great night of fun and friendship.
TV one and TV three were both there to cover that and the next day's events. In fact, the media coverage was phenomenal. A detailed press release went out to 30 daily papers and all 30 ran with the story. Some covering it two and three times.
The TV coverage finished up in the primmest of the prime time, the Six O'clock News, where we received about two minutes of coverage on both channels.
Next day I was interviewed on a number of radio stations. Had a great chat on local station X fm with Garry Pring. Then couple of good mad bastards on Rock fm rang and we all had some great laughs and shared some gags on air. Radio Pacific also rang and we did a live to air interview with them. The next was Radio Works who interviewed me for the national news that went out on 80 radio stations.
Next day in the middle of the Good Bastards Golf Classic Solid Gold fm rang and we did a live to air interview that went to 19 stations.
On the local front, Paul Madgewick has had four stories in Christchurch Press; Cheryl O'Reilly gave us front page in the Grey Star as did the excellent coverage of the West Coast Times.
More interviews on X fm locally and a Good Bastards Promotion coming up this week. So if your in the Greymouth or Hokitika area stay tuned and you could win some books and booze. 88.4 in Hokitika and 88.7 in Greymouth.
We even had emails from people who read about it in the UK and the USA. At this rate, this Good Bastard thing could become famous.
The day was a huge success especially the Good Bastards Awards.
Jimmy Patterson took out the top award for the Most Useless Bastard, his incapacitation scored him a sympathy vote that saw him take out the top gong. You do justice to those jocks you won Jim.
Leo McIntyre won the Pigs Head for the Pig Headed Good Bastard, Ross Nichol from Lawrence in Otago took out the Best Dressed Good Bastard. Gus Hevaldt won an award.
The vote was unanimous as to who won the "Best Looking Good Bastard", a very attractive young lady that stunned us all so much we forgot to ask her name.
David Stewart won the Clifton Clowers award with the Yandal Sisters coming in second.
Boy, can't they sing.
The BIG Race, well my bastards are still running, but the honest lawyer thought he'd snared a big quid when Slip the Knot or what ever it was called was leading by a healthy margin half way down the straight.
Then the good old kiwi horse Ethereal streaked through to take it on the line.
Gorge and Mary Stewart donated a pig that the Southland hotel prepared into a gourmet for all.
Many thanks Mary and Gorge for that kind and generous gesture.
Alison Fern rode her fully grown race horse through the bar complete colours and saddle cloth no 12. No omens there. Alison and the horse were a big hit especially when the horse had a long drink of Good Bastards Beer.
It was generally conceded that the processed beer once having travelled through the horse would be closely akin to another well known beer.
Later that night a bus load of Northern Ireland folk arrived and joined in the singing and dancing like they had been there all along.
The Music was an interesting mix with some excellent playing on the accordion and a selection of basins, pots, spoons, etc, also immerging.
It sounded a bit like a cross between an Irish band and the Hare Krishna.
Paul Teen sung Kevin Barry among other songs.
David Stewart entertained throughout.
There were various other events which, no bugger it, you weren't there so I'm not going to tell you.
The crowd peaked at about 350 and everyone seemed to have a great time.
Many thanks to the media who gave such magnificent coverage and all the folk that turned up. Especially those that came from far and wide.
Paul Teen took out the Gong for having travelled the furthest having bailed out from Aitutaki, an Island up above Cook Islands somewhere.
Paul turned up in his bin ladin disguise and he soon fell back to other disguises of bin drinkin, bin singin, bin fartin and bin gettin pissed a bit, other than that, Jane, he was very well behaved.
Yours truly played the fourteen holes with Kerry Heveldt, who won The Most Reliable Good Bastard Award and we snuck in at second last, ahead of Graeme and Barbara Alexandra.
Next years event is already shaping up as a ripper with many keen golfers putting their hands up to play in the event.
Good Bastards Golf Classic
The Good Bastards Golf Classic was played in perfect conditions and the Green Jacket and 50% of the prize pool was taken out by Alan Hurley and Alan Bradley. Second spot to Alan Kerr and Les Singer who picked up 30% of the pot. Third went to Marge Curtain and Kori Hutana who received 20% of the booty.
All bets were placed on the cup.
The Best Good Bastard on the Planet
This went to Rachel Oteachain who coordinated the events. And what a magnificent job she did. There is absolutely no doubt that the events would not have been anywhere near the success they were if it weren't for her magnificent contribution.
Many thanks to you Rach, and may a thousand angels smile on you when you need them most.
The Official West Coast Good Bastards Radio Station
The aforementioned Radio station X fm has been granted the official status of the Good Bastards Radio Station. Manager Garry Pring has been doing untold work for Good Bastards and is 100 % behind the concept and we are 100% behind Garry and X fm.
So tune into X fm on 88.4 in Hokitika and 88.7 in Greymouth and enjoy the classic rock while you are on the West Coast.
Gary generously donated a featured day to Good Bastards for a draw on Good Bastards day. This was won by local identity and previous winner of Good Bastard awards, Tim Teen. Tim has a paint and paper hanging business and does an excellent job.
Reasons behind the statistic.
A recent survey found that husbands only speak to their wives for 37 minutes a week. This created a bit of an uproar among some feminist circles. But hey, how long does it take to say, yes, yes dear, uh-huh, and I'm sorry I won't do that again.
Little Paddy
Little paddy asked big Paddy where Mum was. She's at a Tupperware party he was told.
"What's that." He enquired.
"It's where a bunch of women sit around and buy plastic basins." He was told.
"Get outta here, you don't expect me to believe that do you dad!"
Conscientious Lawyer
One good bastard was telling me that his Lawyer was too conscientious for his own good. He was going to give him the arse when the bill came through with $250 tagged onto it "for waking up and thinking about his case during the night."
Bloody Leo the chemist was doing a bit of lecturing the other day and was explaining to his class that light came in two forms. "What were they?" he asked.
"Fourex and Fosters." Was the reply.
Good Bastard Gold Nugget
On the Friday before Good Bastards Day Good Bastard Evan Birtchfield took a bunch of Good Bastards down in the mine in Ross.
We were so far down you got giddy looking up. It is an amazing phenomenon about a kilometer square and a kilometer deep, we were all over awed by the magnitude of it all.
The remains of the early miners shafts were evident. How those guys had the fortitude to dig down that deep in the eighteen hundred's beats me. They would have to be real hardy good bastards.
Good onya Evan, you are a real good bastard.
Get it right
A Good Bastard on a recent tour of a faraway place ordered a cup of coffee without cream.
The diligent young waitress came back and apologised. "We don't have any cream, would it be alright to have it without milk."
Paul Teen Relative
Years ago Paul was having a beer in the Southland Hotel and a man came up to him and said;
"I been making love to your gram ma boy." And he then strutted off as cocky as hell.
A while later he was back and he said. "Your gram ma sure do do how to make love, boy." And he walked with a great grin on his face and added. "She is suh-sweeeeeet."
Meanwhile Paul sat there unruffled and as the gent came up to him a third time he said.
"Piss off grand dad, you're pissed."
Fishing at an undisclosed location
Can't tell you where, but; Hyndsie, Kerbs and the Jaffe and I went by helicopter to an undisclosed location sometimes called the 'you need to know river,' and right now you don't need to know.
We were initially going in a Hughes 500 but we had so much booze and food that we had to use the Squirrel, which is much bigger.
Pat Condon had the words 'Good Bastards' scratched out in the gravel where he wanted us to land.
All done in neat handwriting and no spelling mistakes. Miss Kennedy will be please. He might even get a tick.
It was a great few days, even though someone did spike the drinks with Rum.
A great feed of Whitebait, of course we didn't catch any. Venison back steaks, venison fry and bacon, smoked trout, great sunsets, couple of cigars, a toast or three and superb company.
Little Johnny's back
Yes for another three years, we have the Johnny back at the helm in Australia. The man who uttered those famous words. "THERE WILL BE NO GST"
Well back at the helm for a little while until his mate, the evergreen political joke, Costello, can get the feel of the steering wheel.
Still he now has another three years to apologise to the aboriginal.
Big Kim got second prize again and is now thinking of buying a Jenny Craig Franchise.
Who should have won? Pat Rafter, then again he wasn't playing.
Australian Book Launch
The Australian Book Launch is on at 6pm at the Paradise Springs Golf Club Robina Causeway on the Gold Coast on Friday the 23rd of November. Ring Paddy to book on 07 5527 2233
The Last Word From Paddy
John, you haven't got a weight problem! You have a height problem, you are 10 inches too short.
See you next week
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Capt'n Jack
Last Update 12 November 2001